A BREAKTHROUGH IN ADDICTION RECOVERY. LET YOUR BODY BE YOUR GUIDE.
When I am in a funk I find it difficult to change my mind by just trying to change my mind. And therefore, I find it difficult to change my habits. Plus, I am realizing that sometimes trying so hard to think positively I deny how I am really feeling…and that seems to come back around unexpectedly and sabotage me. I have had psychotherapy and been a student of mediation for over 22 years, and have spoken with hundreds of women with similar practices, and it seems most of us are still feeling rather unhappy and dissatisfied. I have come to the conclusion that something about these efforts is not completely effective, or perhaps something is missing.
I believe I have discovered something! Our minds don’t seem to have the ability to help us find true, genuine self-love and respect. The only way I found to truly believe I am genuinely worth loving is figuring out a way to feel like I am…a physical feeling, a sensation, that is all encompassing and undeniable, that is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. And since I now know what this feels like my focus is to do what I need to do to keep this feeling alive and recover it as quickly as I can when I lose it.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF OUR HEAD AND INTO OUR BODY. TRYING TO THINK ABOUT POSITIVE THINGS DOESN’T SEEM TO BE AS POWERFUL IN CHANGING WHO I AM AS FEELING POSITIVE VIBES. MAKING MY BODY FEEL GOOD HELPS ME FEEL THE SENSATIONS OF A POWERFUL ME.”
We don’t have full control over what happens in life nor over how others behave or treat us…and if we keep trying to make situations or others change we will never be free of suffering. Yet we have full control over what we feel and how we respond…our response is our power to either make a bad situation worse or better, to either generate happiness or sadness, to either generate intimacy or distance, to either love ourselves or not. The point being that how we choose to respond is directly correlated to how we feel about ourself…self-hate generates addictive, judgmental, unkind and unhealthy behavior; self-love generates empathetic, kind, compassionate and healthy actions. How we feel about ourself in any given moment can be changed instantly–by changing our body and experiencing this we have given ourself the key to a more healthy life. Now our job is to use the key.
a measure of how spiritually conscious a person we are is HOW WE CHOOSE TO RESPOND to others and to our life…which IS DIRECTLY CORRELATED TO HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELF.
Because we like to suffer a lot, it can be hard to admit that life is really pretty simple–we make it complicated. We are not to blame ourselves for this yet rather own it. This accountability then gives us the power to learn to become observant–so that when we see ourselves sabotaging our inner peace and contentment we use skills to help us interrupt our negative thinking and behavior, or better yet avoid it. When we own we are the one responsible for our lives, we empower ourself to have full control over the meaning of our life–full control over what we think and feel and how we behave–to stay victim of addiction or to break through it.
Loving ourself is what changes our life…and changing our life changes the world.
Many have said that it takes the ability to interrupt negative emotions and thoughts and look for the next better feeling thought to help break your addictive pattern to suffering. This is true yet only part of the solution and rather hard to do…and thus the benefits only partly successful–temporary because our strong ego drags us right back into old ways of negative thinking and feeling. However, when instead we stop and let ourselves become aware of what we are feeling–aware of the emotional pain and feel this in our body we give ourselves the gift of self-mastery. Aware of our hurt we then use our body to help us feel better. If we sit for a moment to feel the hurt then take a breath or sit taller helping our body feel good, this awakens our true self and we begin to feel authentic feelings and emotions of self-compassion and we feel calm. Another breath and feeling the sensation in our body we begin to realize we are starting to sense an inner confidence that will guide us to better behaviors.
In a moment of pause, we find our “Q-power” and give our inner girl a hug. She feels calm and we feel loving and thus doing something positive toward ourself and others comes with an obviousness, with a natural ease.
THE TRUTH IS WE LOVE OURSELVES. WE JUST FORGOT
The great news is that we each carry within us an innate Love-Vibe…a vibrant, sacred energy that is kind and compassionate. Now the challenge is that with the way we were loved as children, with the things we have been brought up to believe about the feminine, and being constantly triggered into fear by a stressful world, we have deeply suppressed our Love-Vibe. SO, the solution then is to explore how to “raise our Love-Vibe” so we experience and thus remember the “divine truth” that we are a unique and important being and soul. We remember we were put here to love and to be loved and that feels so good that we wake up and thus realize that the negative thing we were going to do does not resonate with the vibration of this feeling…does not resonate with the sacred truth of who we are and with the truth that we deserve a happy, fulfilling life. Our addiction becomes less attractive.
THERE IS AN INNATE YUMMY VIBE IN OUR BODY THAT LET’S US KNOW WE ARE LOVED…WE NEED TO SIMPLY FIND A WAY TO ACCESS IT. LET YOUR BODY BE YOUR GUIDE AND TOOL.”
Recovery and The 6Bs of Transformation
Recovery and healing is not just about feeling our hurt and thus helping it dissolve its hold. Recovery is also about awakening to our true self by feeling our divine truth and raising our consciousness, our esteem, about the value of who we are to the world. And this can only happen by feeling our body. Understanding The 6 Bs of Transformation is a huge opportunity in recovery for us…we realize we can use our body to help us transform out of our negative ego-self and feel more in control over our lives and be happy…and instantly. We can take action that will improve our lives right now–that will improve our relationships, our careers, our vocations.
Doing something to positively shift the vibe in our body will instantly interrupt our self-ridicule which would otherwise take us on a fast, deep dive into our negative false beliefs about ourself and activate the negative cycle of addiction. Using good posture, positive body language and our breath, using The Magic Formula and The Secret of Good Posture, we have the power to manage this moment and thus manage our addictions by interrupting our stress and feeling our innate self-love. This gives us a moment to decide to do something more loving for ourself–rather than what we normally do which is to default into our victim attitude and addictive behavior. When we focus on the good-feeling, energizing, and uplifting vibes in our body, our consciousness shifts into a cycle of positive sensations, positive mood, positive thinking, positive behavior…self-respect and self-love…for example “resting smiley-face and power posture” generate positive sensations of a happier, more powerful me. This is so powerful because it only takes a moment to shift our body to feel the “love-vibe” and help ourself think positively right now as a result–where it can take a life time to try to get our mind to shift to positive thinking.
THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW IS THE ONLY REAL AND THUS ONLY IMPORTANT MOMENT OF OUR LIFE…AND IT IS OUR MOMENT OF POWER.
The concept of “reciprocating influences” (what goes on in the body goes on in the mind and this reciprocates) may be a breakthrough in healing addictive behavior: whether it is an addition to chronic negative self-talk and a pessimistic outlook or to drugs and alcohol. The key is using your body–and not only in moments of stress to reground yourself yet also as part of therapy: whether that is 12-Step or psychotherapy. New research tells us that how we think and how we feel are influenced by sensations and chemistry in our body which is generated by our posture and body language (Amy Cuddy: Harvard, Sian Beilock, Univerisity of Chicago). It’s science not just a hope. For example, many studies show that taking a walk/hike or taking a warm bath or taking a deep breath or eating well or sitting on the beach relaxing or stretching at the gym or placing my hand on my heart and belly trigger hormones and neurotransmitters that create good-feeling sensations that positively influence your mood that influence what you are thinking, and particularly about ourself. Because you feel better life looks better.
Another very powerful upside of using our body in therapy is that it can heal our old wounds–and support our inner child to find peace. “Getting in our body” is hugely helpful in finding our courageous, confident self, our self-worth, and motivating us to take better care of our self. Getting in our body while we share our stories allows us to feel the pain, not just emotionally but physically. Then moving the body helps to begin to release some of the congested energy from the trauma. As this releases we begin to feel the inner, healthy, innate flow of life fore that is always there. So “getting in our body” in these positive ways before and after psycho-therapy can have a huge impact on our success of moving toward higher self-esteem and feeling empowered. “Getting in our body” and doing something physical that feels good before we start talking about our trouble positively shifts the vibe of the conversation and storytelling because it has positively shifted our emotional and mental state. It’s remarkable. When we get in our body and raise our vibe–like walking and focusing on good posture before we start talking about our hard life we feel energized and have a better mood. Therefore, sitting here right now we do not feel so much like a victim as we tell our story. Interestingly, our perspective of our past or present trauma opens up allowing us to look at it more from a perspective of being a witness–rather than taking it so personally. It does not mean that we don’t feel our hurt and anger yet these feelings can be felt in their authenticity rather than layered over-layered with unnecessary and immature drama and tragedy. Feeling these sensations helps us to tell our story more objectively with more fact than overly emotional subjective comment–which keeps activating our “victim-vibe.” If we sit tall while we talk about our story and our pain we often become filled with more confidence and awake to experiencing ourself as powerful–thus we may even begin to be able to see the hidden blessing in our story that this hardship is helping us awaken us more to our true self. From this perspective we can begin to even feel courageous about how to let go of the pain and forgive others and ourselves and from here begin to see a better future.
Doing the same, taking a walk, stretching, etc. after therapy will help to the release the body of the hormonal toxins that may have happened during the conversation that were triggered by reliving the story. As our body releases this physical stress its chemistry helps to clear our mind and orientate our perspective so we leave therapy with more confidence. And as a final step in the therapy session, we can take a moment to let our body, our inner knowing expressed in this calm, yummy vibe in our body, help us set the intention to take care of ourself for the rest of the day–to commit to ground, uplift, open and center into our body whenever we feel triggered.
CHANGE YOUR BODY, CHANGE YOUR MIND…UPLIFTING MY BODY, I UPLIFT ME. LIFE IS HARD YET I AWAKE TO THE TRUTH THAT I AM STRONG. I CAN FIND A WAY TO BELIEVE IN THE GOODNESS OF LIFE NO MATTER MY EXPERIENCE–AND THUS FIND INNER EASE AND OPTIMISM.
the conclusion: MANAGING ADDICTIONS IS A TWO-PART PROCESS
We are human and will never be perfect nor free of self-doubt or addiction–bouts of low self-esteem are inevitable especially for women in a man’s world. Feelings of disappointment and sadness will often occur. It is impossible to be rid of fear and worry…it is part of our DNA. These are normal human reactions. The trick is for us to watch that we do not get stuck here and activate our addictive negative self-talk and behaviors. Cultivating self-awareness and a consistent spiritual practice helps us master the tools to stop the negative lifecycles and regain our balance, recenter ourselves in our true self.
We will suffer in life, yet we can decide not to suffer as much.
In my personal experience with bulimia and having relatives with alcoholism combined with my profession as a behavior modification specialist, it is clear to me that addictions are cyclic patterns of negative thinking and negative behavior that is seated in the foundation of low self-esteem. Therefore, managing our addictions is a two-part process. It is first finding tools to interrupt our negative behavior so negative thinking doesn’t have the power to take hold and we become victimized by it. We need to stop the negative behavior–because negative behavior negatively affects our chemistry which negatively affects our thinking and thus generates more negative behavior. This prevents us from gaining any positive perspective on life…or on who we are and thus on the situation. So first, we need to “just stop.”
And second, we need to choose healthy behavior that helps to generate positive self-esteem. In other words…this behavior will make us feel good. Then feeling good we have more emotional strength to allow and give ourselves permission to feel good and now we are more intrinsically motivated to do things that make us feel good. It is at this point we get into a positive cycle and can start to see the dawn–the possibility of living a healthier life. In this light we begin to realize it is possible to love our self more and as our love for ourself grows we become more capable of expressing genuine love toward others and thus become more open to receiving love in return. We have greater respect for ourself and our body and have appropriate boundaries for how we want to be treated. We have a great VIBE! And we glow…we become beautiful and radiant. We are contagious and everyone around us feels good too. Life gets better.
So the process is cultivating a set of tools of good behaviors that will interrupt your negative vibe and help you “raise good-vibes.” Now of course finding a place to start “getting back in your body and becoming more physical” can be challenging if you make it more difficult than it needs to be. And if you try to over think it and tell yourself you should be doing it you will set yourself up for failure. So start simply, just take a deep breath right now. How do you feel? do it again. Do you think you can make a commitment to every time you feel negative that you will take 2-3 deep breaths before you do or say anything? This actually can be a bit hard to do at first yet this breath has a huge impact on your quality of life. It instantly makes you feel better physically and this makes you feel more confident, strong and better about who you are–and this will become your inner motivation to find many, many more moments of this instant transformational sensation during your day. And there are many more simple instant things you can do–smiling, taking a quick walk, standing up from your desk and stretching, giving someone a hug, etc. will “raise your vibe” and positively shift your mood.
IN ORDER TO BREAK THROUGH OUR SUFFERING LIFESTYLES, WE NEED TO FIND A WAY TO BUILD OUR SELF-ESTEEM ALL DAY LONG. MANY POSITIVE VIBE MOMENTS BUILD A POSITIVE VIBE LIFE. JUST LIKE YOU CAN’T STAY FIT WITHOUT EXERCISING REGULARLY, YOU CAN’T STAY UPLIFTED WITHOUT LIFTING YOUR BODY AND YOUR MOOD UP REGULARLY.
In summary, treating our body with care and kindness our body feels good and we being to feel good and to believe that we are lovable. It’s science. Allowing ourselves time to really feel the depth of these sensations we begin to realize they are life-force and actually something even more sacred and as a result we feel motivated to behave with greater respect and homage toward our body. If we behave in more loving ways toward our body, the good-feeling vibe in our body infuses our mind and interrupts self-doubt and self-criticism and we begin to believe we are lovable and deserving of such care. …this new belief–that “I am good enough, more than enough”–helps us to be more consistently kind and loving toward “our bodies, our selves”…our self-esteem and confidence rise. We are in a positive body/mind/soul feedback loop and start to feel genuinely empowered to live well and become the woman we are meant to be.