HOW I BEHAVE IS WHO I AM.
Our behavior is the key to our success at work, and in life. It expresses who we are and generates either good or bad interactions and relationships. Our behavior influences how we are feeling and thinking, and vice versa, and thus it influences how we ‘perform.’ Unconscious behavior may give the wrong impression and generate negative interactions. Therefore, there is a lot of power in being aware of our behavior and becoming skilled at changing it quickly. Using positive, intelligent, respectful behavior such as good posture and gracious body language; gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, speed of speech, and speed of walking, gives us the chance to perform at our best. It helps us release stress and regain confidence in who we are…instantly shifting a situation that could become rather problematic. Being skilled at consciously managing our behavior gives us good control over the outcomes of our day and therefore is probably the most powerful thing we can do to enhance our career.
WOMEN NEED TO CHANGE OUR BEHAVIOR AT WORK
You may be surprised to hear this because you think you behave really well at work. Yet it is worth a minute to reflect and evaluate yourself. Do you behave and vibe as a woman grounded in her power or a powerful woman? Do you come across as a woman who is centered and calm or a woman who is a bit insecure and on the defensive, maybe a bit nervous, rushing, and working too hard? Do you behave in a way that reflects your true self or someone you think you should be? Are you trying to be like the men at work? Do you behave in a way that generates easy, positive interactions and healthy relationships or is there often tension and distance? Do you listen more than you speak–do you interrupt? Are you relaxed and gracious, are you respectful…always?
POSITIVE BODY-LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOR CONNECTS US WITH OUR PERSONAL POWER AND WE BECOME MOTIVATED TO PERFORM AT OUR BEST.
BEHAVING LIKE AN EVOLVED WOMAN
MASCULINE IS ACTION ENERGY. FEMININE IS BEING ENERGY.
It is worth taking a moment to differentiate masculine and feminine energy in a general sense because it is a very important perspective for women to consider with regard to how to behave at work as an “evolved woman.” In the masculine paradigms of business there is always a lot of action, a lot of goal-setting, a lot of looking to future success–a lot of linear and logical thinking leading to a lot of “doing.” And there is a lot of focus on power and greed, a lot of testosterone. There is less focus on being still and thoughtful about the present, less focus on planning. There is more focus on achieving the goal and less focus on the impact the goal will have on the many. There is more focus on the progress to goal than on the relationships of those on the team being formed along the way. There is a lot more focus on the goal than the journey, yet the journey is critical, and it is becoming evident in many companies that the journey is more important than “the goal.” There is a lot of life being lived along the journey; relationships being created, lessons being learned, wisdom being gained, communities being built and societies being structured. There is a lot of emotion on the journey and we need to realize that emotion is the driving force for why people behave the way they do–which of course impacts the success of reaching our goals in life, whatever they may be…and particularly as a team. There is alot of magic that is happening in the present moment, too much to be ignored because we are living in the future. There is a lot of masculine on the job and too little feminine.
In the masculine paradigm, only a few at the top have the decision making power dictating to the masses where we are going and how we are going to get there. These “leaders” rarely ask “the people” what they think. Yet companies are built by teams and inspiring groups of people around a common goal and purpose is paramount to their success. Therefore companies need to spend more time on building relationships rather than just driving teams to goal. Feminine qualities are critical to the team-building process…because relationship; empathy and processing emotion are virtues and skills of the feminine. Women bring “presence, and being” to the work place which is an essential element of creating strong relationship. “Presence” is attention and acknowledgement, and allows for inclusion and collaboration, communication and authenticity of emotion. Everyone feels valued and an important part of the project, strategies become more thoughtful and intelligent, and outcomes more humanitarian and thus more rewarding as a result. Thus teams become stronger and progress more fun and efficient…this generates better day-to-day experiences among co-workers…and better relationships with customers.
THEREFORE HOW DOES AN EVOLVED WOMAN BEHAVE ON THE JOB?
“Evolved Women” would make sure our “vibe” is calm and confident. This expresses “presence”–she is attentive to the moment, to what is happening and who is there and what they are saying. When a woman becomes aggressive, assertive, it is antithetical to her natural state…and it adds remarkable tension to the atmosphere, even more so than when men become tense. So an evolved woman has tools she uses to process her stress and release anxiety quickly. Now this doesn’t mean that she should not be assertive in her action and word…there are times when this is absolutely appropriate and necessary. Yet we need to centered ourselves first so that what we are expressing comes from our grounded, true self rather than our “emotional needy self”, so we are sure we are not aggressive.
Our vibe is “present” when our behavior is calm and positive…when we walk calmly through the office, when we listen more than we speak, when we speak calmly, when we encourage sharing of feelings, when we laugh and smile, when we do things more slowly: speak slower, pause a moment before responding, not multi-task when meeting with someone, when we don’t say anything in a meeting once in a while or wait to be asked before speaking…when we simply sit tall and composed “at the table” (regardless of what seat we are in.) A woman is in her greatest power when she receives all that is happening around her rather than always thinking she needs jump in to say something or change something (often because we are trying to ‘prove our worth.’) An “evolved woman” lets men come to her and receives them graciously rather than always chasing after them to get their attention. BE CALM AND CARRY ON…and we will get their attention.
“the feminine tempers the masculine.”
Now at first behaving with more grace and being “present” at work may feel dis-ingenuous–that we are being submissive, that we are faking our respect and openness to men. Yet as we are learning, how we behave directly affects our connection to our higher self…either opening the channels of our consciousness or shutting them down. How energy flows through our body is affected by how we stand, gesture, make eye contact and shape our facial expression, use the tone of our voice and the speed of our speech, walk fast or slow, by how we vibe and glow….and this directly dictates what we are feeling and thinking. In effect, our body shapes who are…shapes our thoughts and feelings about ourself and this shapes our thoughts and feelings about others, about life. Therefore, if our intention is to become more consciously powerful, in other words, to become ‘evolved’ women, then we are not faking this graceful behavior but rather artistically using it to help us connect with our inner divine feminine energy and personal power…and transform ourselves into the woman we truly want and are meant to be…right now.
Physically in alignment with “Her,” we remember our Divine Truth and Sacred Core Beliefs. And we begin to express ourselves more freely, truthfully, and genuinely…which means true to our feminine self and thus without expectation about how men or others should respond to us. And when they respond negatively, we don’t internalize it and let it activate our inner critic and thus begin to slide back into unhealthy beliefs and behavior. Instead, we continue to stand tall and open, and with a smile, a genuine, big smile, so our personal power continues to flow. It may take a bit of practice till we are able to feel this body/mind consciousness powerfully because our body and mind have been disconnected for so long. Yet the more we behave in ways that help us connect with our true sacred heart, this ridiculous, negative, disrespectful and critical inner voice will begin to fall away…this desperate need “to be like men” and “have men like us” will fall away.
As we begin to center into our true nature, others, men, will begin to feel our powerful, gracious energy and thus feel safe to connect with us. Our vibe is more comfortable to be around because we are more comfortable in ourselves. And they in turn will calm down, put down any defenses and open to the best of themselves, open to their higher-conscious selves. And we will find ourselves in positive, respectful relationships with each other…and getting into positive cycles of collaboration and teamwork. And the brilliance of positive behavior is that it can keep interactions from going bad…when we feel tense and want to act out/attack, our commitment to being gracious in our body-language will help mitigate this negative internal struggle until we are able to find our center again (helping us avoid horrible regret because of something we have said or done that was immature.)
“If our intention is to become more consciously powerful women, then we are not faking this graceful behavior but rather artistically using it to help us connect with our inner divine feminine energy and personal power.”
THE contagious POWER OF respectful BEHAVIOR
“the most powerful behavior is respectful behavior.”
Respectful behavior is remarkably powerful because it levels the playing field between genders, races, orientation, education, creeds, and so on. Every human being has an innate understanding of respect and we intrinsically know the behaviors that express it. In other words, our respectful behavior has the power to mitigate biased interactions with others. The interesting thing is that we may not like each other, yet when we treat each other with respect we are on a level playing field…and actually that feels more important that liking each other…because it helps keep the peace. Respectful behavior helps us stay in the mindset that we all have something in common–we are both human and valuable. The expression of respect is a powerful experience between us–we feel confident and valued, in our self and with the other. We understand that though we may not agree, we agree to disagree rather than become aggressive and try to persuade and conquer the other…it is very interesting how this works.
And as we are learning about the power of our behavior to shape our perspective, respectful body language will begin to mitigate our inner biases—because it connects us with our higher self…who has no judgment or prejudice. This shifts how we judge others and instead we become interested in understanding others and so we focus more on greater tolerance and compassion. We become more consciousness. We become more accepting, even eventually appreciative. Our vibe becomes more approachable and therefore there is the potential of authentic relating. Our vibe is contagious and the other who is at the affect of our gracious behavior is transformed…they see the smile, the respectful and open body language, and begin to feel trusting of us. Their body language becomes more respectful and their inner biases toward us begin to soften…connection on an energetic level is made and thus whatever is discussed flows more openly, honestly, clearly…more agreement is found and disagreements are merely that rather than becoming confrontations.
The body doesn’t lie….to us nor to others
“Men have been hard on women. Women have been hard on men.
Perhaps we can learn to get along. And who knows, maybe we will change how we feel about each other. At least treating each other with greater respect creates the possibility of a much better relationship.”
LOOKING AT OUR BEHAVIOR
So now that we are “at the table,” we need to consider how we are sitting and speaking and gesturing. In fact we need to look at how we are walking into the room. And if you are not at the table, it is time to consider how you are behaving if your intention is to get to the table? If you are nervous and submissive this doesn’t help. If you are competitive and aggressive this doesn’t help. If you are making faces this doesn’t help. If you are interrupting and speaking fast or loud, this doesn’t help. If you are not listening, this doesn’t help. If you are not attentive and appreciating the other’s point of view, this doesn’t help. If you are not accepting others, men, as they are, this doesn’t help. Yet, if you are calm and sitting tall, you will feel more authentic. You will have an open, confident vibe. Thus you will look men in the eye and listen completely to all they are saying before you speak. You will consider what they say rather than anticipating them and rushing a reply. You will thus respond rationally. You will sit in curiosity rather than judgment…and may be surprised to learn something new and exciting.
Understanding another better gives you power. You may agree or disagree yet what is most important is you have honored yourself and have acknowledged them…you have heard clearly what they think rather than assuming you know. You now have the opportunity to respond with greater wisdom and thus to relate better…more maturely. Rather than judging another, making them wrong or trying to change them, instead you have come from your higher self, you have offered respect. You speak your truth without stress and feel grounded regardless of how they respond. And perhaps they will reciprocate in kind.
And by the way, if they don’t, then at least you have clarity about where things stand. And thus you can leave and find another table to sit at, another company to work for.
Behavior helps shape our beliefs.Our posture and body-language shape our interactions with others.
In the patriarchal work culture, women struggle to
- Be heard
- Be included
- Be validated
- Be appreciated
- Feel confident
- Feel intelligent
- Feel attractive
- Feel accomplished
- Feel important
However, most of the time we are treated with disrespect and dismissed, and we let ourselves feel victimized. As a result, we behave in ways that are disempowering, even immature. And now we are caught in a vicious cycle–behaviors that generate disrespect—both to our self and to the other…and therefore draw disrespect toward us.
DISEMPOWERING BODY LANGUAGE
We are contrary, off-putting, dull and unattractive. We are immature and un-evolved.
- Bad Posture—doubt, insecurity
- Looking Away—anxiety, dishonesty
- Frowning—critical, unkind, sad
- Weak Handshake—afraid, hesitant
- Slouchy Sitting—embarrassment. fear
- Rushing—stressed, victimized
- Arms Folded—defensive, untrustworthy
- Not Facing Squarely—not interested, afraid
- Standing Too Far/Close—threatening
- Fidgeting—distracted, bored
- Shallow Breathing—tense, irritable
- High, Stressed Voice—weak, irritated
- Interrupting–anticipating what we “need” to say, arrogant
- Loud talking—defensive, strident
- Fast talking—dominating, dismissing, nervous
- Saying Too Much—desperate to prove a point/self-worth
- Body tension/stress—irritated, insecure
- Eye-Rolling—judgmental, disrespectful
- Criticizing–telling someone they should be better
HOW TO BEHAVE AT WORK—TO BE IN YOUR AUTHENTIC FEMININE POWER
Good Posture and Positive Body-Language instantly helps you feel a healthy integration of your feminine and masculine energies and you begin to regain your self-esteem and confidence. This stokes up your personal power and you feel centered. You feel good about who you are and respect yourself…and are motivated to treat others with the same…therefore drawing respect toward you.
EMPOWERING BODY LANGUAGE
Intelligent, Vibrant, Engaging, Magnetizing, Attractive
- Good Posture—confidence, leadership
- Eye-Contact—trust, connection, truth
- Smile—open, kind, wise, compassionate, fun
- Firm Handshake—strong, interested, present
- Power Sitting—confidence, taking up space
- Walk Slow—aware, influential, sovereign
- Open-Arm and Hand Gestures—trustful
- Squarely Facing Others–interested
- Allow personal space—respect
- Be Still—focused, attentive, present
- Full, Smooth Breathing—relaxed
- Low Tone of Voice—calm confidence
- Slow Talking—articulate, knowledgeable
- Calm Body Energy—relaxed, secure
- Pleasant Expression—attentive/neutral
- Eye-Empathy—understanding, support, acceptance
- Praising–telling someone they mater
EMPOWERING FEMININE BEHAVIORS–“PRESENCE”: She Generates Peace and Calm
- Showing empathy with a caring expression
- Placing a hand on someone’s shoulder
- Sharing feelings: expressing your own, listening to others
- Receiving compliments and gifts graciously
- Offering compliments generously
- Sitting quietly–with “presence”
- Letting your hips/body flow when you walk
- Letting men open doors for you
A POWER TIP
Take a Moment of Magic for yourself…at the beginning of every day, or before a meeting, or just before leaving the bathroom, take a moment to be truthful with yourself. Take a deep breath or several and reflect on how you are behaving. Look in the mirror if one is handy and stand tall, open your heart and gently smile. Notice how your energy shifts and you become beautiful and radiant. This is your true power—presence.
The world needs her bright smile, her spontaneity, and her creativity. The world needs her love and compassion. The world needs the divine feminine vibe.