93% of how we communicate is with our body—posture, vibration, facial expression, gestures.
We’ve all read self-help books on how to have better relationships by improving how we communicate. There are great insights about the differences between the sexes and behaviors we each can do that will help. For instance, woman could get to the point faster and men could share a bit more. And both could listen better and not interrupt before the other is finished. And most especially, we both shouldn’t tell the other how to feel or what to do.
This is powerful advice about what to say. YET what about our body’s communication during the conversation? I have come to realize (and research bears this out) that the truth of what I am thinking and feeling is worn on my face, in my posture and through every gesture. I may be saying the words but what am I really saying?
I have a theory that the main reason why we are not good communicators is because we are pretty much always self-focused—our ego takes control. Let’s face it, life challenges us all the time and it is hard not to be a bit defensive and competitive with each other. As a result, we often communicate with the intention of trying to get someone to do something we want them to do or trying to make ourselves sound important. We also find it hard to pay attention in a conversation because of how distracted we are with today’s information technology—we keep looking at our phone. We have to admit that this is not very effective for genuine connection and strong collaboration.
To make our communication better, we need to bring more authenticity, more heart and spirit, to the conversation. I have a shortcut that helps us be more genuinely attentive and interested in what the other person is sharing. It is a technique that helps us feel more centered in who we are and thus more calm, confident and considerate. In other words, our ego does not have to be so on guard.
The shortcut is shifting our self into good posture–lengthening our spine-pulling in our Abs and lifting our breastbone, uncrossing our arms, softening our face and oh yes, don’t forget that Kegels are Key . When we stand or sit in good posture, we feel good. We are balanced physically and because of the body/mind connection we become more mentally and emotionally balanced. Our chakras align and open and we become conscious of a better-feeling vibration flowing through us that I believe is our true self. We are more relaxed and become focused. We become more willing to consider another’s point of view. Feeling more present-minded, we are not trying to think ahead of ourselves about what we are going to say in response. Instead we listen passively and with a pause after they have finished speaking we respond from our authentic, wise self—which is most often thoughtful and collaborative. When we face the other person, are in good posture making eye contact and smiling softly, the other person sees us as someone who is open and approachable. And this makes them feel good—they relax and communicate more from their true self and together we create great collaborations.
(Significant tip: take a moment sitting in good posture to notice how it makes you feel. This will deepen the good-feeling influence your body has on your sense of self in this moment–feeling physically good will improve your mood and how you are thinking–aware of feeling and thinking more positively will empower you to communicate well. Our self-awareness is core to our awakening.)