I was shopping at Whole Foods and had an epiphany. The KEY to one’s recovery from  unhappiness is to “be nice, genuinely nice.” It draws from us the best of our self…sources from the connection we have with the Divine and puts our attention on others. We spontaneously feel truly happy. And we know this is true happiness because of what we feel in our body–an expansive yummy vibe–and the impact we see it has on others…Heart-to-Heart connection, pure JOY.


To be able to access the peace in our body and find our Soul, we need to detox from our Ego. And to be able to detox from our Ego, we need to access the peace in our body and find our Soul.

We are very unhappy in this patriarchal world and as a result are addicted to drama–directing intense negative emotion onto each other…like a Hollywood movie–thinking if we could just get what we want and make others do what we want, we will be happy, feel loved and be fulfilled.

It never works. 

We are very unhappy in this patriarchal world because we have defined “happiness” and “fulfillment” and “love” in ways that do not resonate with our True Self, with our Heart. They are defined by our Ego, and are attached to the material world–having “the stuff.” As a result of being focused on the material, we believe in limitation and lack and that there is “the BEST” out there and we must have it. Our Ego has us believing that “being and having The Best,” is our purpose and thus will bring us the happiness, fulfillment, and love we seek. The tragedy is that it never will. And our disappointment is endless.

We have defined “BEING the BEST” as having more of “the BEST” than others–recognition, wealth, power, education, religion.  “BEING the BEST” is an obsessive “all about me” attitude and how I get you to think I am great and give me what I want. As a result, we try to manipulate and compete with each other. We are constantly in a tug-o-war and we have become addicted to it–addicted to DRAMA. The rub is that this separates us from our True Self and from each other and fosters our greatest suffering of all–feeling alone and disconnected. We may end up with more “stuff,” yet this never makes us truly happy…ironically only causes us more unhappiness.

We fuel our addiction to Drama by the false beliefs that we can and should control life. Yet Life is inherently filled with various situations and change, transitory experiences that cannot be controlled. However, our Ego insists that we should know all the answers and that if we are not “successful” in controlling our life, we are to blame for not trying hard enough, not wanting it enough, not being strong enough, or smart enough…nothing is ever enough. “Dominate Life rather than partner with it; achieve goals, amass wealth, cultivate notoriety, and collect “the stuff,” are the messages of our Ego. And particularly ignore your True Heart. Chasing the American Dream is the purpose of your life.

We are chasing the wrong things and we feel victimized as a result. Because we are so caught up in “controlling our life” and addicted to Drama, we miss the magic of LIFE, the only thing that can bring us True Happiness. We never stop to really experience life–we never really stop and pay full attention to what is happening now? As soon as the NOW happens our attention immediately goes to how do I control this…what did I do in the past, or what does this mean for the future? This is a huge problem–ironically trying to control Life we are losing control of ourselves…we are constantly struggling with life, we are constantly in drama. We have disconnected from our inner truth and have lost our self-confidence and ability to create. Hence, we are always unhappy.

The material will never fulfill us because our True Self wants nothing of this world. Happiness and Joy do not come from what is manifested in this  world, from without, from “the Stuff,” but rather only arise from within. “The Stuff” may complement our happiness yet it can never bring us happiness. Our happiness only comes being happy with our self. We may achieve things in this world.Despite what we may believe we will not feel True Happiness because of what we have done or what we have achieved, but rather because of who we are, “being our Best Self,”– are our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors, our connections with others, our respect of Earth, rooted in our most loving, wise, compassionate, trusting, honest, open self.

True Happiness is the experience of feeling connected to our True Self and through this, connected to something far greater than our self, The Divine. Connection with our True Self compels us to be our most  genuine self authentically caring about others and the planet. In other words, to be the best version of our self we need to be entered in our True Self. We show up in each moment in our Truth and pay attention to see what we together with LIFE can innately conspire to create…in this moment. We show up with faith in ourself and the Divine and trust that all that unfolds from this sacred energy is meant to be. We feel at ease with LIFE and connected with each other and with Earth. This is True Joy. And in this moment we are enlightened…that our True Purpose in LIFE is to create the vibrations of LOVE and JOY. This is the meaning of our existence. Aware of this, feeling this our body, we are extremely happy.

So how do we find this?

We need to first admit our addiction. Then we need to detox from our Ego, from FEAR, our belief in lack–that there is not enough to go around and that we will not survive, never be loved or fulfilled unless we control everyone and our life. And then we need to open to our Heart so we hear Divine Truth about why we are here…to love, to be loved, to expand love. And finally form new beliefs and behaviors that are found in our .faith in LOVE and TRUTH and JOY. To recover from our addiction to unhappiness and drama, we need to come back to our True Selves.


As with all addictions, if we truly want to be healthy and become happier, we need to stop..just like not taking a drink if you are alcoholic, we need to stop the madness of our minds as a dramaholic, at least for just a moment, so we can take a look at our lives. We need to admit that we are unhappy. We need to admit that we are dramaholics. We need to admit that we have become irresponsible for our own feelings and blame others for our unhappiness. We need to admit that we have given away our power to be happy in LIFE. We have become obsessively competitive. We have a very low self-esteem and subconsciously identify with the helpless victim. And thus we over-compensate by becoming arrogant–we think the world, even God, owes us. We think LIFE should take care of us. We think Life should be easier. And when it isn’t, we act out…creating drama. We need to admit this is extremely childish and face the truth that what we are contributing to the world as a result is fear and negativity.

We need to face the truth about LIFE. And if we can fully grasp this, it is the sobering factor that will help recover and change your life. No one and nothing can make you happy. You are the only one responsible for the quality of your life, for your happiness.

We all misunderstand LIFE, the meaning of LIFE. LIFE owes us nothing. It is very sobering to realize, but LIFE is just LIFE. It is just energy, vibration. It has no moral or emotional perspective–neither does God for that matter. LIFE does not care about our material wealth. GOD and LIFE have no objective–other than experience itself. It is energy and energy simply flows. And as such, the meaning of LIFE is really as simple as exploring what kind of energy we create. Another way of putting it, is what vibe we put out. We can either how you can align with the energy fields of Life to create a harmonious flow or we can create tension and interrupt harmony. This comes down to how we show up, who we choose to be–are we loving or fearful, generous or selfish, kind or mean, open-minded or judgmental, and so on. We all know the truth of this because we can feel how the dynamic of a situation or interaction with another can change because of how we vibe–we haven’t said a word and yet we have had great influence.

And LIFE energy will ultimately match our energy–like energy attracts like energy and thus the energy expands. Put simply, if we continue to put out low vibes, “poor me” vibes, victim vibes, life-energy will match this and this negativity will become stronger in our lives–we will draw to us other fear-minded people, stressful situations: even to the point that whether things are truly difficult or not, by how we think, we can make the simplest things a huge dilemma. We are powerful this way.

The primary opportunity to detox and recover from our addiction to unhappiness, to drama rests on our courage to accept full responsibility and accountability for our vibe, for who we are in the world…for our vibe in this moment right now. We are responsible for influencing this moment, this interaction right now, and thus are responsible for influencing the energy and evolution of the world.

We also need to look at something else. Because we are so caught up in our desire for the material, we are missing LIFE. LIFE is in the moment and only in the moment. The moment of LIFE is the moment of opportunity, the moment to create the quality of our Life, to decide our vibe and determine our Destiny–and unlike what we may have believed our Destiny is not what happens or what we achieve but is how we evolve into our TRUE SELF. But we are missing it–regretting the past and forcing the future. To reclaim our power in Life, we need to understand that The magic of LIFE-Energy is only in the moment–it is the only moment we can choose how to feel, what to think and do–the only moment to choose what we believe and affect our vibration–LOVE or FEAR. Our Ego conspires to make us throw that away. The Ego does not like the mysterious, the magical, the sacred and it does not like the present moment because we have access to these there. The Ego likes the known–particularly it uses the known to keep us in the delusion of this material world.–therefore it uses our obsession with the past and future…with accomplishing the material goal.

Life is hard, make no mistake about that, yet it is hard because of how we choose to see it. In every moment, even the most horrific, is a golden gift–a moment of peace and happiness…and we will only receive it when we are at ease and centered in our true self…in our connection with the divine.


Struggle or Ease…feel frustrated with life and continue to be miserable or accept it and move through it as gracefully as I can. These are my choices. I want ease and grace because these feel great, make me happy and support others to feel good.

As with any addiction, I realize that if I want to awaken and choose ease, I need to bare the painful process of sobering up and detoxing from my dramatic, egoistic beliefs that shoot unhealthy adrenalin through my system. I need to feel the shakes and sweats and deep depression that comes with the loss of the “arrogant adrenalin-high.” It is scary and so hard because I am so used to being this way. And I keep doubting this is worth it…I admit, I liked the high, the sense of confidence and power I felt. It feels like I am giving up on myself and all I have worked to become. I want to go back into my arrogant, righteous thinking to get away from this pain. Why am I doing this–I am sure that if I just keep working hard enough and proving to others I am “good at what I do,” they will realize how important I am and I will finally get all I want–more money, more status, more power, more “love” and I can finally relax and start enjoying life, be happy.” BUT this MO hasn’t work so far and each time I try to go back to this dysfunctional thinking, there is some deep inner vibration that points me to something different, helping me realize that this “sense of importance” I seek feels empty, lonely, so self-involved. It does not help me feel true love or notice the beauty of nature. It keeps me wrapped in fear and anxiety…what if what I want doesn’t happen. That it will bring me happiness is all an illusion of our dysfunctional, social values.

I am grateful and yet it has been hard, but all my life I have been prompted by an inner guidance that this egoistic way of living is not good, not healthy, is so flat, so limiting. We thought for so long that a life pursuing “right and wrong” and material success was a life of meaning. And we mistake all the drama we create as evidence that we were passionate about life. Yet it turns out it is merely just drama, dysfunctional grasping and manipulation. My Soul has prompted me to awaken to this truth and so I have been inspired to seek the sacred, the mysterious, the magic–a more HEART-felt experience of LIFE.

My Soul has prompted me to find and open my Heart–to evolve consciously. This has meant stepping out of the social norm, out of the collective Ego, and into my personal journey of LIFE. And though afraid and very challenging to do, I understand that I am doing this because I want to know what it is like to LIVE LIFE, TO LOVE GENUINELY and TO BE AUTHENTICALLY ME, TO BE JUST ME, TO BE ME…to be fully conscious of myself, that I am both human and divine–that I am both intelligent and heartfelt, that I am both mind and body. That I am woman with an elegant, adventurous, compassionate feminine vibrationI and want to live from the center of LOVE rather than from the center of FEAR. I want to live free, live in Truth. And I am scared to death because I have no idea what will happen. I have no idea who I am without all the goals I have, without all these beliefs I have lived by for so long and thought was the best way to live–pursue, strive, achieve, manifest and do it again. I am not sure who I am without my definitions of what it means “to love”–all filled with condition and expectation. How can I possibly love without condition and expectation–how do we prove we love each other then? How do I stop regretting to the past so that I feel motivated to do better in the future–how can I possibly just “live in the present moment?” What will happen to me? Will I survive and be loved or be forgotten and alone?

I am realizing that detoxing will require that I surrender…that I stop trying so hard to figure my life out and just give in to the truth that I don’t really know anything. I don’t like that I have to admit that–have always prided myself on knowing how best to achieve and get what I want. I am pretty good at it. It will require that I give up certain beliefs–about life and about what it takes to be a valuable person and what it means to be “successful” and “happy.” I will have to give up certain beliefs about Love. I have to let go of my Ego, that mindset that pits me against you, and pits me against me, that is arrogant and greedy about life. I have to let go of my pride. I need to become humble and soften. It feels just terrifying to let go of all that I have come to believe as the meaning of my life, and especially to belief as the meaning of me. It sort of feels that becoming humble is humiliating.–a rather interesting positioning. And all I want to do is avoid this. How can feeling humiliated be helpful at all? YET, could it be that who is humiliated is my Ego, not my True Self?

As I contemplate letting go, freeing myself from my addiction, the anxiety feels so strong and it is so tempting to let my mind wander into judgment and to start figuring out strategies that will get me what I want…yet the only strategies I come up are the same ones I have been using my whole life–do this, achieve that, defend this, get that, dominate this, grab that–and I know how these turn out. This old mindset will get me a hit of adrenalin, will get me an achievement or two, and yet, I still feel my “poor-me, righteous high” that I have felt my whole life–because as soon as I get the next “valuable thing” my Ego wants the next and thus I am victimized…again. I will first feel how hard I have worked, and then indignant about how life is treating me and then I will spin downward into my victim-mentality–if only I had a better job, I should have a better job, they owe me a better job…if only. It is true that with each accomplishment I will feel powerful and on some level it feels good. Yet now I realize it is a “righteous” power, nothing like True Self-Empowerment. It is PRIDE, NOT GRACIOUSNESS. And then it happens, I feel it, the pain in my Heart, the heaviness in my Soul.

I can feel my Ego arguing right now and I am exhausted, discouraged. AND THIS RIGHT HERE IS EXACTLY THE WAY OF THINKING I NEED TO TRANSCEND. I have to face the truth and face how I feel in the midst of it. I don’t have that job or the money I want and the boyfriend I love is not here, BUT I AM HERE. And the only thing I have control over is ME, is how I choose to feel about it all. And how I choose to behave as a result. I can choose to be unhappy or at peace with my Life, with me. Unhappy or peaceful right NOW. Struggle or ease. It is as simple as that. There is nothing else.

So how will I handle it? I could start trying to convince myself that I am awakening and that I need to change how I think, cultivate a new outlook on life and think more positively, be kinder. And I could tell myself that “the goal” is not the most important thing. I could try to convince myself that “the journey is more important.” I could tell myself to be more loving and compassionate to myself and other people, and the Earth. i could tell myself to be more spiritual and open to the sacred. Yet, for many years on my spiritual path, primarily through the Eastern traditions of meditation, I have tried to change my psyche for so long and nothing really seems to take hold–it seems my Ego sits in the wings waiting for me to get tired of trying to convince myself that I am ok, that life’s ok, and then jumps immediately back in to get me on the treadmill again. I have got to figure out a different method.

Ok, so I am going to sit here for a moment…and feel and watch.

I feel like Buddha under the Bodhisattva Tree.

I feel the pain—physical pain, emotional pain—the embarrassment, disappointment, anger, hurt, despair, helplessness, vulnerability, and fear. I notice how my mind wants to take control of all of this, and tell me what to do, evaluate how I am doing. It wants to stop my detoxing. I hear my Ego trying to tell me that if I stop listening to it and let it go, I will be nobody and my world will fall apart–that if I am not as aggressive about life as I have been then I will be lost, I will never get what I want and be miserable. I am going insane.Y et I am willing to consider something else, maybe when one awakens it certainly feels like that–because we are letting go of the “norm,” of what we have defined as our social and spiritual values. Maybe we have to go insane to become sane.

So, as this debate rages on in my mind, I instinctively look for freedom and spontaneously find myself placing one hand on my belly and one on my heart, and something brilliant happens, I take a deep breath. And I feel my body and my mind beginning to calm down. It feels so good I naturally start to pay attention to my body. I feel like I just dropped out of my mind and into my body. I SIT TALL, STILL, AND TAKE DEEP, SLOW, SMOOTH BREATHES. I AM BECOMING AWARE THAT I AM FEELING ME–perhaps for the first time today, maybe even in a week. As my body clams down and relaxes, I realize I am feeling more emotionally calm–I naturally sit taller, open my heart and chest, and smile. What a huge shift in my body from my slouching. And now what a huge shift in my mind, my emotion, my mood, my thoughts. The worries and negativity I just felt feels less intense. I feel better. And when my mind begins to wander again, I do this again. And when my Ego starts telling me what a waste of time this is, I thank it for sharing, yet stay true to my intention—to be present in this moment and focus on feeling the ease and peace in my body.

This has opened the door and as I continue to sit in this EASE, I begin to feel vast space, the outer space that is within me…I know some call this THE VOID. Thoughts come again, and emotions, and yet rather than feel like I am them, I realize I am watching them. Who is this?  “Who” is doing the noticing? I AM HERE and now I am witness to “me.”  I take a breath and relax my body more, so I can feel this inner vibration that is clearly other than my Ego, other than my personality. It feels a little trippy actually to be here. And it is strangely both comforting and graciously disturbing as well. What is here? Who am I here? Why am I here? And then two thoughts arise...I am nobody here. Rather I AM HERE. I am a consciousness here without a worldly identity–a spirit, a vibration, a soul in a body. And I AM HERE because it is my destiny–to be my True Self in this lifetime. I feel ironically both scared and excited! Connected to this vastness, I feel confident–open to so much possibility. Comparing this to how I normally feel, I realize that my Ego keeps me contracted, small, scared and tense–behind a bravado of false confidence. I realize that the me that was created by my Ego is of my making and thus can be changed. I chose to believe what the world wanted me to believe and lived accordingly. Yet now, realizing that my Ego is not my true self or my true purpose, I can create myself anew.

THE PROCESS OF UNTYING MYSELF FROM MY EGO and allowing my True Self to Emerge is simply in the practice of sitting still and awakening to my inner voice. As I hear this Divine Truth, I am being infused with the courage to become it. Admittedly, it is hard for our busy self to be still yet this is the only GATEWAY TO TRUTH. Sitting here, my mind struggles to gain control of my attention. Yet I AM HERE and thus can keep interrupting or actually even ignoring these thoughts by taking a deep breath, and another, and feel  my head on my heart and belly and feel the relief it brings to my body…it feels so good. As I sit in this stillness and expansiveness, I admit I feel scared. ..thinking that if I let go of thinking that I won’t get anywhere. If i let go feeling motivated by having to become “better than them,” at least as good, which of course is actually driven by feeling inferior to “them,” then who am I?” IF I AM NOT STRUGGLING OR STRIVING IN LIFE THEN WHO AM I? This is what is going through my mind right now and I realize these are the thoughts my Ego is projecting to stop me from continuing into THE VOID.

As I sit in this stillness I am going deeper into THE VOID and I become a witness. I can carry my fear with me in the energy of compassion and this gives me courage to keep going. And now, being somewhat separated from my fears and supported by Spirit, I can begin to evaluate how I think and what I focus on all the time and why. I am realizing that of all the trillions of thoughts, the doubting thoughts, which I have all the time, are what keep my Ego dominating my Life. Yet now being able to see these, I can challenge myself to look at why I am doubting that my life will be ok, that I will be ok–that I AM ok, that all is ok as it is. This process alone helps me realize that my doubts are figments of my imagination, not real. And this, right now, gives me pause and power.

Here is an example of going through this process of taking a look at what I am thinking and with the support of my True Self gain some perspective to challenge the “truth” of these thoughts:

My Ego: Is just being me good enough? Will they still want me here? They won’t even care if I leave. Well, they probably think I am arrogant by how I have interacted with them thus far anyway, always trying to prove I am “good”, “important.” My True Self: Is this what I want?  My Ego: I don’t want them to think I am arrogant. I just want them to notice me and think I am smart, powerful, a really good professional. My True Self: But why do I want that so much? I have wanted people to recognize me my whole life…and now I realize it is so I can feel good about me, happy about my life, safe that I fit in because they like me. If I become more open, vulnerable, and let down my guard, won’t they think I am weak and not worth having on the team? Won’t I be alone? Brother, why am I worried about this so much? I am so much better at this than them. I don’t understand why they don’t see that? My True Self: Isn’t all this strategizing about how to fit in sacrificing my true self, this inner peace I feel right now within me. Where does this loneliness come from?

I see how my Ego can take me all over the place. And now I realize it is because I fear being alone. And the truth is I already feel very alone. I depend so much on the world to make me happy, to satisfy my desires and fulfill my purpose in life because I don’t know anything else of value. And though I may speak about God and LOVE, I can’t say that most of my life I have really known God or experienced LOVE.

Sitting here, like Buddha, I have had my own enlightened moment. I have been witness to my mind and present in my body. I can see how easily my mind will drive me crazy and yet my body and breath calm me down. I see how my mind will hold and focus on what I put into it, and that my body holds the sacred vibrations of LIFE itself. My body feels the vibration of the Truth. My mind has a hard time grasping it given all that is said in the world to convince us differently than our own inner Truth. Sitting at peace, I realize that the easy flow of these vibrations through our body is the meaning of LIFE. And that this vibration is the VIBE of God, The Universe…it is the vibe of my True Self. And being aware of the godvibes within me, helps me live my True Purpose–disconnecting me from the purpose of my Ego. It is why I AM HERE. And the truth is, it is time to let go of worrying about fitting in. I AM DETOXING.


Recovery from our addiction to unhappiness is within my body, within the present moment. The present moment…the only place happiness resides.

Can I feel God, The Universe, in my body? YES! When I lay on my back on the floor and breathe surrendering into the Earth. When I stand tall, open my heart, smile BIG and breathe, lifting up into the sky. I notice how feeling this vibe in my body is helping me calm down mentally and emotionally. As I relax, I feel a yummy energy. I feel healthy, peaceful, and if I do it for a few minutes I start to feel happy and even joyful. I realize with definite knowing that it is the energy of God. It is godvibes. And I realize I am a WARROR–that this is my True Self. In fact, I become aware of what a WARRIOR truly is–it is a way of being rather than a way of doing. A WARRIOR is someone who is balanced and authentic, honest and humble, kind and discerning, powerful and gentle, strong and vulnerable….rather than a warrior of the battle field. I feel empowered–that this is who I truly am, rather than the woman who worries, strategizes, judges and criticizes, struggles and strives. She is afraid and has lost her sovereign power to her Ego.

So I feel HER in my body and thus to fully absorb HER into my consciousness. I am PRESENT. I am going to notice HER and consciously engage HER by admitting how good my body feels when I connect with HER, this sacred energy within. I am going to embrace HER by learning how to keep this energy in my body flowing freely and powerfully. I will find tools to keep bringing my attention back to HER when I get distracted by the menial things of this world. I will stand strong as the Warrior in the midst of my Ego constantly telling me this is nonsense. As the Warrior, I will have the courage to realize this practice affects me more powerfully than when I try to “talk to God, to pray” because my Ego can become a trickster here and mess with my thoughts. Feeling my body and this energy is a pure unfiltered practice of relating to the Divine.

This practice helps me connect with my body and befriend it–my body becomes my BFF rather than my nemesis. Rather than worry about my body not being “good enough” for this world (because I am feminine–always trying to impress men) I realize it is the Holy Grail of the Divine Feminine, the vibration most critical at this time in the history of mankind. And the energy that is my recovery from arrogance and manipulation and FEAR.  I will not boast about the Divine Feminine  and trying to prove the masculine inadequate, as that is not true and this arrogance only dampens Her light with egoistic vibes. Rather, I will stand as the Warrior I am, respecting the vital importance of the balance between the sacred masculine and divine feminine which keeps this energy flowing through my body and shining the light of LIFELOVE from my Heart. I am PRESENT AND POWERFUL. I feel a strength that supports me to respond to others and to life from this Divine Truth–from the awareness of my true purpose in LIFE–to bring this vibration forth into the world by being the best version of who I AM in order to provide balance to the masculine in order to create harmony.

Standing tall in honor or lying flat in humility, I feel powerfully compassionate, loving and kind. I notice a vulnerability that keeps me open to the power of the mystical, magical forces of The Universe, God. This is my LIFE-PURPOSE.

BREATHE. I notice that this experience in my body is the experience of my True Self  in relationship with God and is the gateway to living my life in alignment with my True Purpose.

Taking another deep breath, I notice I am imagining a blue sky, the ocean, now outer space, blackness. I think I am pretty close to The VOID. What could possibly be out there? And all of a sudden something remarkable and precious unfolds—the past, present, and future are all here, are all blending into me. They are nothing but vibrations that I get to work with, to create from. I get to decide the story of my life, the purpose of my life, the outcome of my life. And I realize that this present moment is where the magic is, is where the truth is, because it is where I AM and that there is no goal, no future outcome–that LIFE IS THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW AND LOVE IS WHO I AM IN IT. Could there be Angels at the ready to assist me?



It helps to understand that I have been addicted to old, egoistic beliefs my whole life and yet they are just that—beliefs, thoughts in my head. I can choose new ones if I want. Though they feel so much a part of who I am they are not really me. Reflecting on how they make me feel—tense, cranky, sad, angry—I realize I am different underneath all that. I am a very cool, gracious, trusting, loving me. And I want to be her for the rest of my life.

It makes sense it feels terrifying to give up the way I have defined Life my whole life. I have no idea who I am. Yet to stay with these beliefs looks like they will destroy me with unhappiness. They are holding me back from my true potential, meaning my true enjoyment of life. I have to admit that what is really hard about this journey of transformation is to give up or at least being willing to give up the dreams and goals I have had. I see so clearly now that many of these dreams were in pursuit of money, accomplishments, material things…and most importantly recognition and “love.”  I thought all these goals and accomplishments would bring me a sense of peace because I had been successful and wasn’t that what life was all about? Yet, all I ever seem to feel was uneasiness, hope, dissatisfaction, worry, hurt and fear. Even when I did accomplish my goals. they never really brought me any satisfaction or contentment or for very long anyway.

I am realizing that because of my value system I don’t really know what LOVE and JOY are. I realize that there were times my body could feel the vibes of LOVE, yet my mind would immediately dismiss them as worthless and unimportant. Did they bring me any money, did they bring me any recognition or accolades, did they bring me more stuff?  I learned to look at life through the Patriarchal Prism of my Catholic upbringing. Here there was only ever talk about God the Father, right and wrong, sin, guilt and punishment. And oh yeah, we hardly ever talked about the body…embarrassing topic. We never talked about how our body felt, let a lone ever talk about sex and if we did we felt so embarrassed and dirty. Good Lord–:-). Reflecting on this, I realize that this is what was making me insane. Being asked to disconnect from my body, was asking me to disconnect from my inner voice, from the sacred vibes within me and I realize now that this was asking me to disconnect from spiritual energy in my life. And now I realize so clearly how this caused me to go insane. Because I had no spiritual underpinning, no connection with the Divine, I had no sense of self-worth, no sense of mystery, no sense of spirituality–and ability to create and manifest in life. Therefore, I let my Ego take control…filed with the values of the Patriarch, I learned how to dominate my own psyche and suppress my spirit. I was insane.

It makes so much sense now, having awakened to these sacred vibes within my body that there was and is no way that I could have found LOVE and JOY–rather I was pursuing the Ego’s definition of love and joy–greed, power, pride, and control. Therefore, there was no way for me to find Happiness. For me to find true peace, I need to awaken to my own inner happiness…which is not “a life-story” but “a way of feeling, a way of BEing.” And yes, to let go of what “has mattered” to me for so long is super scary. Now I am really going to be alone. YET alone in my truth is so much better than being with others under the veil of false love and false joy. What I realize is that in the patriarchal world there is no real intimacy, no real connection of heart and soul, no real truth, no real Love or Joy.

As I sit here in the stillness and softness of this moment, I realize my Heart is open, I feel calm, at ease, relaxed. And I awaken to the truth that my life is not a series of events and outcomes, goals and accomplishments but that the meaning of life is “a way of BEING.” And I completely understand that this moment, my body, my heart (not my mind) is the portal to the realm of CREATION, the realm of the vibrations of LOVE and JOY. And that feels so much more exciting and remarkable than anything this world could give me. Yet this world is a beautiful realm of vibration and I am vibration and if I can stay in my LOVEVIBE, then the world energies will match it and my life will flow with more ease and contentment. I can choose to keep resisting LIFE by trying to control it’s energy or align with it’s flow. I can choose to keep living in drama or chose LOVE–being, vibing, the best version of myself in each and every moment.

I think I am becoming sane.


So this is The Practice to RECOVERY–and it takes practice. We are human and if we are not paying attention, we can find ourselves distracted and attracted to old beliefs and values which can take us off course, and back into the egotism of the material world–back into struggle and strife. Therefore, we need tools to help us re-center.

I have opened to my spiritual center and awakened my mystical power. I feel humbled. My body, mind, and spirit are aligned. And I have seen how that shifts my thought patterns. And aware, I chose to fill my mind with something positive and healthy rather than let it continue to default to the negative. I help remind myself that what is most important in Life is the LIFE that is happening NOW and how I am responding to it. This helps me flow more with LIFE rather than resist it by thinking it should be different, better, and that I should be “doing” something about that. Feeling centered, connected to the NOW, I feel how important and fun it is to have dreams and goals, and yet to hold them very lightly because LIFE often has other plans for my destiny. The dreams I have are good to have and yet are best used as exercises in creativity rather than becoming the goals and meaning of my life–like if I achieve it I am successful and if I don’t I am a failure.

We need to live in partnership with LIFE and that means always being humble to the changes that may come from the Sacred Unknown–which most often show up unexpectedly. Just as I conditioned my thinking toward the negative, the material, growing up, I realize I can condition it toward the positive, the ethereal, as I head into the rest of my life. Yet the real “aha” here is that this shift comes from befriending my body, awakening to the sacred power my body embodies, and that I can engage consciously–rather than trying to convince my mind to change how it thinks. Our mind cannot think new things. Our body is the gateway to the realm of possibility, the realm of creation…meaning The Truth is that The Truth of my life can only come from within, from my body.

So the PRACTICE is simple, GET BACK IN MY BODY. And there are three parts.

  1. Start Your Day: Stretch a bit to open your body’s channels and move energy. Then STAND TALL, OPEN YOUR HEART (LIFT YOUR CHEST), SMILE-BIG, AND BREATHE. Feel your body energize and awaken to your TRUE SELF.
  3. End Your Day: Stretch a bit to open your body’s channels and release stress and tension. Then LIE FLAT ON THE FLOOR, BREATHE FULLY, SURRENDER YOUR BODY, SMILE GENTLY AND BREATHE. Feel your body’s energy flow and awaken to your TRUE SELF.


Now in a final thought–let’s be careful here. Our Ego can be so cunning and try to turn our “awakening” and “commitment to a more spiritual life” just into another Goal endeavor—the Ego  tries to control everything–it is it’s purpose. It wants control over whatever seems to interest us so it can stay in power. It makes us think that if “I work hard to awaken and become more spiritual and thus always being loving and kind, and relaxed with life and never get upset and accept everything just at it is, then I will finally get what I want and be happy and at peace.” I am sorry to say but we don’t know this for sure…this is just our Ego talking so it can stay alive–by telling us more things we “should do”–meditate, exercise, be this way, that way. What happens is that if we set up certain expectations about how our life will change as a result of us being more “spiritual” we may be disappointed and thus we are in the grips of our Ego again. The journey through Life is rather challenging…meaning there are no guarantees about anything. And because we are human, it will most likely be impossible to stay even-keeled with life, to always be at ease. IF we make our spiritual practice another accomplishment, we may force ourselves to suppress our true feelings because we think we should be better at begin “at ease” with things that really may be upsetting us.

So it is important to know that the purpose of a more spiritual perspective of living LIFE is to be at ease with yourself–to be aware of what you are feeling and to use your practice and commitment to bring yourself back to center when you feel triggered. Judging yourself in this process only victimizes you to your Ego. If we think we can be centered all the time, this means. our Ego has taken hold. We need to be careful that we don’t, as usual, create expectation that if I “do this” I will finally get what I want, I will finally be happy. Remember “expectations” are a product of our Ego.

In other words, unlike what we have come to believe in our patriarchal culture, that we must control, we must dominate, life, WE MUST STAY HUMBLE TO THE MYSTERY OF LIFE. We need to be willing to feel how awful it feels to realize we may not be right about what we think is right. Being humble is the only way to deactivate our Ego and thus the only way to explore Life differently than we have been.

Now having all that said–it is important to realize that the opportunity here is that, Life will feel better. And it will feel better because we choose to be more at ease, we choose to see ourselves and Life with greater acceptance of what is, is and to see how we might align ourselves rather than resist.

Remember there will be many times when we feel sad, unhappy, angry, disappointed, discouraged, and helpless, when we will regret the past and worry about the future, when we will become super dramatic, act out terribly, when we will “hate the present moment.” Yet, if we can become aware of ourselves more than we have in the past, aware of what we are thinking and how we are feeling in this moment and realize that we are about to fall back into the delusion of egoistic beliefs, then we can help ourselves. We can take a breath and surrender, and feel at least a bit of ease. We can tell ourselves that it is ok that we feel this way…we can accept that Life is hard. Not resist that. Yet we don’t have to stay captured in it for very long, wallow in it.

As we start this journey it may be helpful to realize that we need to be humble enough to realize that it may feel worse for a while. This more relaxed way of seeing life will most probably feel pretty unexciting as we detox from the drama adrenalin. AND THAT right there is it, we already know what it feels like to live egoistically. Can we surrender to the simplicity of this moment…it may feel dull as dull can be, yet we may just find the gold we are looking for. Wow, how interesting the present moment is, right?!This isn’t going to be easy. We have to stay vigilant and diligent. We need to be careful not to berate ourselves for reacting with drama but rather notice it with compassion and then simply stop it. We may have to do this a million times a day. But the only other choice is to continue to be miserable all the time. By seeing how we overact, seeing how this is our mo, we can practice being calmer, less dramatic, and in time, this new behavior will help shift our mindset from “Ego” to “Presence.” Then our life will be of greater ease, our vibe in the world will be more relaxed and we will contribute more peace and calm to LIFE. Small steps…we have to keep centering ourselves in each moment—meaning continue to bring ourselves back to these more calm, softer vibes in order to avoid letting the addiction to drama take over…we need to center back into our spiritual power, again and again and again.

WOWOWOWOW!!! The present moment AND MY BODY just became my LIFE.




True Happiness is peace, stillness, because in this we experience the Divine. And we know this is the Divine because we feel happy, genuinely joyous, full in our heart. We know this is happiness because we feel in our whole body, and this feeling makes feel more optimistic, grateful. We are be our best selves when we are happy, treating the world and others with respect and kindness and this makes us even more happy.

It is becoming obvious that happiness is feeling a sense of connection with the Divine. It is a sense of peace and beauty. We can never feel this pursuing more stuff. Because we chase more stuff we are never at peace and never being at peace we chase more stuff.

It may sound so unexciting but Happiness is just Being in Flow with LIFE.

True Happiness is an expansive, peaceful, relaxing joyous feeling. Someone’s smile points my attention to the beauty of Life and then I smile in return and I feel the sacred being that I inherently am–I feel connected to godvibes. I believe this is the feeling of “being present in this present moment” and it feels good. It feels truly happy.It is like this precious thing that caught my attention and woke my heart in this moment pointed to the Sacredness that created it…a huge expanse of space, peace.

The suffering or unhappiness we feel, is merely a thought in our mind about how things should be different, better. And isn’t it a mazing how we can be in the most beautiful place and still suffer, just because of what our Ego wants to chat about.

YET, we are missing the beauty in the moment. There is beauty in every moment. There is beauty even in the difficult experience. Present with something painful, is beauty. Judging or resisting something painful is suffering.

As a wonderful woman once said to me, “do you want to live in suffering or beauty?”