COMMIT TO LOVE, not drama

You are most likely not going to like this. Yet consider it for a moment before you object. If you see and accept this Truth in yourself, you have a chance at a most remarkable life.

Pretty much every one of us creates so much drama in our life that we are miserable and because we are miserable, we create a lot of drama…a vicious cycle which we need to find a way to break out of. If you don’t agree at least somewhat with this about yourself, then you are in denial. We are a very ego-driven society and by nature that means we are materialistic and walk around entitled…and thus very needy. And needy drives drama.

Drama has become our addiction as a society. I liken it to alcoholism. Therefore, if you want to create a more healthy, peaceful, and fulfilling life for yourself, you need to first admit that you are a dramaholic, that you are addicted to the adrenalin-rush of drama. Next, just like alcoholism, in order to start your recovery where your first step is to stop drinking, to begin to recover from dramaholism you first need to stop creating drama–in all its insidious forms. Just like alcohol, drama creates a chemical high in our brain and we become delusional and act stupid. Only when we stop drinking, stop being dramatic, will we be able to gain enough rationale to figure things out for the better. Only then will we be clear-minded enough to begin to consider who we are and who we want to be instead and how to make that happen.

None of us like to admit that our life is full of drama because we don’t like who we are, how we act, when we are dramatic. It is very stressful and we actually look ugly. Because our Ego is rooted in the mindset of always needing more, never being satisfied, and always worried about the future, we are always overly emotional. Even when we think we are not showing our inner unhappiness, it exudes profusely from our vibe. What exactly does this look like in terms of our behavior: spending our day complaining and over-reacting, slouching, always sad and overly friendly and fake laughing to mask it, needing to be the center of attention, trying to please others, arguing–about anything, criticizing anyone about anything, telling others how you could do it better, telling stories about our childhood over and over, telling stories about anything negative over and over, judging others at being better or worse than you, blaming others, feeling disappointed about everything, talking about politics, taking about our bosses, yelling at other drivers, being upset the traffic light is too long, and on it goes. And the truth is, we are dramaholics because we hold onto wounds from our childhood and to an identity of being a victim–we stay stuck in trying to get love and acknowledgment from our parents even when they are not alive anymore or hardly around–who by the way were just, if not more so, as dysfunctional about LOVE as we are. They did the best they could, they did what they did. Why are we so focused on being victimized by their short-comings rather than awakening our own true personal power in life? 

You have to admit it is rather embarrassing. Why is it so hard to evolve into spiritually mature adults? How did we become so egoistic to think we are meant to dominate–others, the planet, Life? How did we become so arrogant to think that we are meant to  control life to meet our agenda rather than embrace the evolution of who we are by being open to constant change, being open to the mystery of Life? This misguided belief that “we should be in control so we can be successful” only makes us stay stuck…in unhealthy relationships and circumstances…and worse, we are cut off form the realm of possibility and thus never embrace our life as an adventure–but rather keep repeating the same ole, same ole drama. If we do not learn to be far less dramatic and far more humble and sovereign, then life will always feel exhausting and completely unfulfilling.

We have got it completely wrong–what we so desperately seek as the meaning in life is of this 3rd-dimensional reality and defines success in life as wealth, possession, dominance, and title. It is an old, passe, Patriarchal belief system that has run its course and has caused great destruction in its wake. It can never expand our Heart or fulfill our Soul. We can never respond to life as our best, most conscious, compassionate self and thus will feel disconnected, empty, and alone. Yet many are waking up to this Truth. 

To live a happier, healthier life, we need to connect with our inner truth…it resides within the sacred vibrations flowing through our body (not in our mind). Yet most of the time, we are completely and utterly unaware of these holy sensations because we are distracted by our over-emotional reactions to life. However, when you are calm and breathing fully, smoothly, and deeply, goodvibesgodvibes flow into your mind and you become conscious of your True Self–and of your true destiny. Awake, you realize that your journey in life is your recovery and the best tool you have is to use your breath, along with your posture, to keep your body at ease so your consciousness becomes filled with God-Vibe and therefore, the Ego does not have a chance to activate your fear…and thus motivate you to over-react and create drama.Continue to slouch or stand tall? It’s up to you.


COMMIT TO LOVE–COMMIT TO YOUR TRUE SELF…LET YOUR BODY BE YOUR GUIDE

What we are discussing here is no small thing. We are talking about LOVE and this requires that we learn to listen to and honor our Soul’s knowing and urging. It means we need to become our True Self…not an easy thing to do. It will activate difficult decisions in life because following our True Heart’s desire disappoints our Ego–the inner voice that has become part of our identity and has convinced us that the ‘right way’ to live and love is to do what society tells us. However, most of our social values are not in alignment with our Soul’s vibration. In our capitalistic world, society tells us to believe in materialism, and other self-focused values, which only results in competition with each other not LOVE, only results in segregation rather than relatedness. This makes us intensely dramatic and manipulative as a culture–misunderstanding possession as abundance, obsession as love, drama as passion, financial wealth as manifestation, getting our way as happiness, and dominance as wisdom. We think ‘free-will’ is our striving and effort to control life to become ‘successful’ and if we don’t become ‘successful’ (in terms of our materialistic values) then we are a weak and worthless human. We are constantly disappointed and unfulfilled.

“Our Ego has made the meaning of life a moral choice–to “be a good person in society.” Where in Truth, the meaning of Life is to “feel good.” Feeling good is not a moral choice but rather just a choice. It’s as simple as, do you want to feel the wonderful, uplifting vibrations of LOVE or the contracting, sickening sensations of Drama flowing through your body? Which one do you think encourages you to interact with others and Earth with greater kindness, respect, compassion, wisdom, and integrity? Commit to LOVE or Drama, stand tall or continue to slouch? It’s up to you.”  

None of our egoistic goals will make us happy because none of them are about LOVE. And therefore, none of them will bring out the “best”, the HEART, in us. None of them will activate our True Potential–that which is the only thing that will make us truly happy. Rather, we only feel stressed, inadequate, insecure, resentful, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, alone and afraid–as we desperately strive ironically to be our worst selves. We act like crazed idiots–whinny, needy, scared children rather than calm, centered, spiritual adults. This dilutes the power of LOVE in the world–dilutes healthy relating to each other, to the planet, and to our Life-journey, dilutes our power to be at ease and kind, and to have personal integrity and authenticity. Instead, we are drama-queens (kings) blaming others, even God/Creation, for all our struggles. We blame ourselves for our weaknesses rather than be accountable and so we are a miserable, arrogantly-righteous culture. Our Ego has dominated us for centuries because the suppression of the Feminine has led to the imbalance between Heart and Mind…without consciousness of our Divine Feminine nature, we (both women and men) have lost connection with our inner Being and thus have lost the meaning of our doing. As a result, we relate to Life only through our Ego generating Drama rather than LOVE. ‘SHE’ must come forth.

LOVE or Drama? it’s up to you.

It won’t be easy to learn LOVE, to follow our Soul’s urging, because this will point to new beliefs and behaviors. It will point to awakening and evolving into our True Self–which will feel very foreign and uncomfortable at first. We will doubt that what our Heart is telling us is the “valuable thing”–because it will be very hard to stop looking at everything through the filter of our Egoistic value structure. It will be hard to trust ourselves because we have not had very good practice at listening to our Soul and will most likely feel confused for a while. We will struggle to value the power of our feminine traits in helping us become more discerning and less critical–looking at life from a broader perspective and wider consideration rather than trying to push everything into rigid constructs–for example looking at what is “healthy” versus “morally right or wrong.” It will be difficult because we have this perverse belief–that we are not aware of by the way because it is so elemental to our society–that if something doesn’t create drama, suffering, competition in our life, it mustn’t be worthwhile. If we are not deciding who is right and who is wrong, what is right and what is wrong, then it mustn’t be important. And this points to our greatest self-deciet of all. We think we can find happiness and yet only seeing life through an egoistic filter forces us to subconsciously believe in Unhappiness–and we are completely unaware of this and that makes us victimized to misery.

As a result of course, we are obsessed with finding “happiness”–which we would all admit we have experienced at times–it has a sensation of ease and peace and joy. It would seem obvious that we want it. Yet Happiness is so illusive because Happiness is a high-vibration of our Heart and Soul. The truth is we don’t value Happiness because we have been so addicted to the low-level vibration of our Ego and thus addicted to suffering, to Drama. Because we are egoistic beings we identify with being the conqueror/victim (these are the same) which gives us the adrenalin-rush of Drama–“mom didn’t love me enough, my partner is so selfish, my siblings are mean, my children are a disappointment, my boss doesn’t respect me, the government is so controlling, and so on.” Holding on to this identity, we get to be righteous and that feels really good to our Ego–which has us convinced that making IT happy is what will help us manifest our purpose and actualize our worthiness in life, and thus make us happy. I have been the victim long enough and now I need to control everyone and everything so I can conquer my life and be happy.” So we are caught in a horrible trap of delusion–even though we say we want to be happy we really don’t know what it is and even more tragic is because we continue to believe in base egoistic values we really don’t believe we deserve true happiness..

It is time now that we awaken to our dysfunction and become accountable for learning how to be more healthy. We will need to be responsible and mature enough to realize that we will probably experience some discomfort and pain in order to breakthrough and evolve from our dysfunctional self. We are recovering from an addiction and will definitely have withdrawal. It will feel uneasy as we go through the dark tunnel–yet the guiding light at the end is our inner knowing, that “deep abiding peace” we all have experienced at one time or another and have known is our True Self. It is an undeniable experience of Spirit and it let’s us know that how we are living now, as egoistic, self-centered personalities, is just not our best, not our most healthy and true-loving self. And so, it’s up to us–we get to choose. If we are willing to make this “heroine’s journey,” then we need to accept what it will take. First, it will be hard to realize and admit that maybe what we believe in as a society as our greatest values and spiritual beliefs may not be the best after all. There are some that are good yet many have to change. Or another way to think of this that makes it more palatable is that the underlying motivation for these beliefs has to change. It’s like religion–the essential concepts of the religion may be true and pure yet they have been used by an egoistic culture to control and manipulate in order to amass power and possession, to suppress and dominate the human spirit rather than evolve it. And having that said, there are one primary essential belief that has been greatly distorted to brainwash us to worship Ego–that God is Male, powerful, merciful, vengeful, that God is made in the likeness and emotionality of man.

After you have reflected on these things from a social and cultural perspective, you then need to make this reflection more personal and be accountable to accept responsibility that you have decided to carry beliefs that limit you–ones that are arrogant and judgmental. And now, you need to decide if you are strong enough to let them go and formulate new beliefs that align with your Heart and Soul. This will be difficult because you will be looking at who you have known yourself to be and most likely need to let it go if you are going to be able to evolve into your True Self, into your evolved identity. Are you ready to admit that I am an egoholic–an obsessive-compulsive person that has just got to get more and more material wealth and recognition from others or I won’t be happy. Admitting this, can you now Commit to LOVE and focus on living from your Divine Truth even when the world around you believes and behaves differently?

The Divine Truth

The only way to hear the Divine Truth of your Heart is to practice listening. And this means finding the courage to take risks–to do the best you can to figure out what your Heart is telling you and to follow it and see how that feels and what happens–risks like telling someone you care about your true feelings even though you are sure they will be hurt, like leaving a good-paying job because you don’t feel respected or included, like investing money in something creative and spiritual and that you believe is good yet everyone else says is crazy, like going to a spiritual retreat and being quiet with yourself in the presence of others (this takes vulnerability), like being upset with someone and yet reflecting on yourself instead of attacking them, like stating clearly what you believe even when no one else in the room understands, like standing tall in peace when others are all infused with anger and taking up arms to fight, and so on–you get the point. And then it takes even more courage to sit in the peace this honesty brings to your Heart and not allow yourself to feel guilty–because others may feel hurt, others may disagree, others may judge you…others are in their dramatic selves and trying to convince you that you are weak and uncaring. You will begin to realize that you are going to have to go through the withdrawal of your addiction to drama–your addiction to guilt and shame. This will feel very weird–not taking responsibility for other people’s emotional pain. You will doubt that embracing this more peaceful experience, this State of Being, is the right thing to do. Is this really selfless or selfish you will wonder. Shouldn’t you be trying to save the world and especially those close to you–put them before yourself? Yet it is very arrogant to think that you know better about their life’s journey and thus are responsible for it and should try to control it–this is the personality of “the persecutor” which aggressively becomes “the savior” attempting to control them, and ultimately becoming “the victim” of this co-dependent dysfunctional relationship because nothing you try is working to your satisfaction and you just want to blame everyone. We must tend to our own Soul’s journey, no one else’s.

And then this transformation from Cunning Ego to your True Self will get even more intense because now you begin to realize that honoring your Soul’s truth means you have to let go of the outcomes you hoped for and expected in life–why? Because our Ego has created them, has created these “perfect pictures” of how our life should go, what we should do, and who we should become–and they are pictures rooted in the worship of materialism, of control and domination. And though it is so difficult to let go of these dreams because we wanted them so much and believed they would make us happy, we need to be strong enough to admit that most likely they do not fuel our Soul–they don’t help us be kinder, more compassionate people. They only continue to make us self-absorbed–giving us the adrenalin rush of our addiction that only ends up in crashing down after the drama-high.

To put it very simply and plainly, the only thing that fuels our Soul and brings our Heart peace is BEING OUR TRUE SELF–being connected to our spiritual nature and behaving in a way that expands LOVE. Chasing the “material” and trying to control others to do and be who we want them to be is not that. We know this is true, now we just need to decide if we are going to be accountable for it and thus have the courage to start our “heroine’s journey.”

OUR CUNNING EGO and our wise body

Our Ego will do all it can to keep us afraid so it can stay in control–convincing us that it is best to stay where you are, to keep struggling to control life and others so “you get what you want, to prove we are worthy and thus entitled.” It will convince us that following our Truth is selfish and will cause us and others lots of pain–others will judge you, others will feel hurt by you, they will not like you, and therefore you will end up alone. Our Ego will convince us it will be too hard and too sad to change–to end relationships and let go of expectations, situations, and people you have known for a long time. Our Ego will tell us that the “inner peace” we seek is not valuable–it is flighty, frivolous, fake. As a result, we will experience doubt and insecurity, and the deep pain of lost dreams, as we make this transition from Ego to Spirit. Yet our wise body will set us free.

Our body will guide us to our inner wisdom. If we sit or stand in good posture for just a few moments and take a few slow, smooth, full breaths, we will feel something that is quite different than what we feel in our body and mind during our ego-centric day. We have to admit that this feeling in our body is the most yummy, delicious, confident experience. We actually can’t deny that it is our Soul-vibe. Our wise body has illuminated our consciousness. Physically, mentally, emotionally, we feel an ease, an inner abiding peace and knowing. We feel whole. You could say we feel a sense of “free spirit.” It feels calm, clear, expansive, up-lifting. We realize this is goodvibesgodvibes. So then the question becomes, are we courageous enough to learn how to channel this through us as much as we can throughout our day and allow this to guide us through our life?

good vibes god vibes good vibes god vibes good vibes god vibes

We need to realize that if we allow ourselves  to open to this vibration it we will change our life drastically, and forever. And another word of caution, if we resist the shifts in our life we will struggle. We are opening our consciousness into higher dimensions of the spiritual and that changes who we are, what we believe, how we behave. It changes how we see life and what we believe about God, about LOVE. Because many of the choices we have made in life are not in resonance with this vibration this will not be easy. Are we ready to feel some sadness and hurt? We will feel sad because we were so sure that what we had planned in life and who we think we are were right. Yet now we realize these ideas don’t really resonate anymore and in this awakening we are even not quite sure who we are. Admitting to oneself–“oh god, I have worked so hard in my life yet I am not really happy” is really tough because it compels us to look deeply within. We know now that we have to make a change if we ever want to “feel good,” truly good. But it is so scary.

So how do we move forward? We take a deep breathe and allow ourselves to feel the energy in our body. The breath expands our body and this expands our mind. An energy begins to flow in our body filling us with ease and bringing us compassion if we pay attention…and this will be the opening, the portal into the higher dimension of Spirit, and will bring us an expanded perspective of life. Spontaneously, we begin to look at this differently. Instead of judging ourselves for not having made the right choices in the past and so on, we can hold these critical thoughts in the “yummy vibration” flowing through us right now and allow ourselves to experience a most remarkable revelation. These goodvibesgodvibes help us hold our past in a new light, in a new perspective, and we begin to realize that what we have done in our lifetime has been exactly what we were supposed to do–our destiny if you will. With this awareness, we feel acknowledgment for ourselves having made it through some difficult times and pride for having accomplished certain things. Our self-esteem begins to rise. And from this more grounded, self-respecting and self-appreciating perspective, this more spiritually-mature perspective, we begin to feel grateful because we begin to understand that we have learned a lot from all that has happened…and it has given us a great opportunity…to connect with our Soul and to learn LOVE. We are more conscious, awake to the spiritual, awake to Creation. And now we are wiser about how to move forward, wiser about what to believe, and how to behave. And now we have the power to decide how we want to live differently–more in alignment with our Heart and Soul–in a way that is truly fulfilling. We can decide to Commit to LOVE…not Drama.

The truth is that now that we have woken up to how our Ego has held us back from our authentic relationship with the Divine, we really have no choice. It is not really a matter of “if” but rather “when.” We can procrastinate and drag out our discomfort…however, there is no going back once you have walked through the portal and have seen the truth of the magical, mystical, metaphysical and miraculous. For those who are willing to jump into the “Void,” the vast unknown of Spirit, we need to first leap into our commitment to honor our Heart and Soul rather than our Ego. This is not easy and takes great courage. Remember, we will need to let go of certain dreams…realizing they came from an old, egoistic mindset rather than our True Heart. We will need to let go of our arrogance and sense of entitlement and be willing to be vulnerable to realize that you really don’t know anything–that our job is not to “figure it all out and become a worldly superstar” but rather to surrender ourselves into the Sacred Unknown and become a Super Star–a guiding light in this world that helps us all awaken to our dysfunction and begin to recover. Though very scary to let go of who we thought we were and open to the possibility of who we can become, if we can find the strength to do this, our lives will become a “great adventure” rather than a “great disappointment.” Life is a series of dreams that you must keep letting go of…if you are ever going to know your life-purpose: which is to get to understand LOVE and get to know God as much as you can.

For example,

As a young girl, I believed I was going to get married, have two children, live in a million dollar home, and be a good catholic family. Through high-school I realized that I was beginning to not like the social structure I was growing up in because it suppressed the feminine, suppressed who I was. In college, I still believed I would get married and have the kids and house, yet I because I had become aware of the global interlace of the Feminine, I now also wanted to have a powerful career so I could help change this dysfunctional worldview. Shortly, after college I got married and to my shock realized that instead of feeling peaceful I began to feel suffocated…not knowing exactly why and knowing that I was going to hurt a lot of people–husband, family church–I divorced. This was the beginning of my 30-year journey to meet my maker–meaning to try to understand Who God really was rather than just go along with the current beliefs of our world. They just did not feel true. It began by asking myself who I was, what did I really want to do in this world. It became my mission to elevate the feminine in the world. And at this time, I believed that the only way was to compete with men–to infiltrate the world of business because it controlled every reality in our lives and the world of business was a man’s world.

I believed that the meaning of my life was to change men’s minds and to do that I had to prove I was as good a man as they were, actually better. Therefore, I believed that the meaning of life was to make a lot of money and become the CEO of a company, so men would have to acknowledge me and then I could change their mind’s about the importance and power of the feminine. Even more essential than that, I believed that had to be a man to be valuable in the world–obviously suppressing a very painful jealous of men and feeling embarrassed to be a woman. I was so sure that once they saw how good I was they couldn’t  possibly deny the truth and thus couldn’t keep denying women a more meaningful place in society. Ha, best laid plans.. Because of the insurmountable resistance to change in our society, I became aggressive, very self-absorbed..suppressed my feminine-spirit even further than it had been having been raised a Catholic. My career progressed rather slowly…yet, though I was frustrated because of this, looking back I see that it served a purpose–I needed this time to devote focus and attention on my spiritual awakening–exploring what I believed about God and LOVE. Getting to know the Divine Feminine within my body and self.

I kept trying hard to integrate my spiritual work into my career–I developed training programs and books on “inspired leadership and management”, “inspired customer service”, “inspired company cultures and organizational paradigms.” By “inspired” I was trying to introduce how integrating feminine qualities into business actually resulted in greater success–yes greater profits. No one was really interested. I couldn’t understand it and became frustrated and hurt. I kept pursuing the bigger career opportunities–pursuing power so I could dominate others with This Truth. And in the background of my job, I kept wondering about having children. Should I? If I decided not to was a not a real woman and thus how would I be a valuable part of the awakening of the Divine Feminine in the world? I kept waiting for it all to sort itself out–thinking I would meet the right man and have kids and he would be spiritually conscious enough to support my spiritual journey–believe in what I did.

Life goes by so fast. Finally, in my early 50s, I realized “my dreams” were not coming true. I became confused and scared and frustrated. I felt like a failure in my personal life and professional life. And then some energy rose within me and supported me to surrender. Now maybe I was just weak and giving in to find an excuse to make myself feel better, yet I began to wonder if our journey in life was not really about controlling everything and making “our dreams” come true but rather maybe the true meaning of life was to stand tall and be the best version of yourself in the midst of life’s challenges and disappointments  Maybe we the journey of life to was learn who it is that we are, rather than who it is we were meant to become because of what we accomplished–the values of the patriarch. Well my soul wanted to find out…so one October night I jumped off the cliff into the void. What I though I was doing was taking a career leap.Yet what is has been is a 4 years journey of awakening from the dysfunctional lifestyle directed by my Ego and it has not and still is not that easy. Yet it has become confirmed for me that it is what I was born to experience.

I quit my job of 14 years and where I had become complacent for the last 3 and started to look for another job. I kept thinking that if I could find the right CEO job I could finally make a difference and instead little did I know at the time, but the Universe was taking me on the heroine’s journey to become the CEO of my own life. It is very hard to let go of this particular dream to be the one in charge, the Boss, the all powerful. Though I was realizing that I had to admit that I had bought into society’s egoistic mindset and thus losing my power to be creative, losing my power to contribute the Feminine-Vibe, the feminine consciousness of beauty, peace, connection, compassion to the world, I still wanted that CEO job. I actually got two of them for about a year a piece and lost them both. The first one because the company being bought out. The second was the more profound and a turning point. A very iconic company in my industry and I was the first women executive in its 35 year history. Proud of that and yet I was stifled–the team I was a part of was not very progressive, not very conscious and certainly not open to women. The managing partner himself told me in my interview that he did not want a woman–yet I impressed him so in this conversation that he hired me on the spot. So the door opened a crack for me to get into the power place of men but the ensuing months were very oppressive. I was terribly hurt and could feel that I was becoming angry, bitter, resentful, arrogant, and didn’t want to become mean and ugly as a result. I had a choice…conform or not. They worked me out because I wouldn’t conform…I spoke up too often, I was too smart, I didn’t agree with their old-non progressive direction.

Leaving this job, my Ego was mortified…and indignant about how I was treated.  My Soul seems to be at peace. My Ego wanted to sue for discrimination and bias. My Soul seems to be at peace. My Ego was scared to death about the future, my survival. My Soul seems to be at peace. I kept thinking that the way corporate business is structured, LOVE is completely ignored. By LOVE, I am talking about integrity, respect, tolerance, inclusion, collaboration, cooperation. All I was finding was hideous male dominance and outcomes that only bring pain and suffering to the world and I couldn’t convince them to consider something more compassionate. I felt like a complete failure. I felt so hurt that I couldn’t figure out how to influence change.

The pain became too great and yet the option of awakening was also feeling too great. I started to become and still am to some extent, mad that I just can’t figure this out. How do I make change if I can’t be a CEO yet if I am a CEO I am miserable because the culture is so oppressive to the feminine, like I am in chains? I feel how empty and dissatisfied this pursuit has left me and yet do I give up?  I realize I am a good business person yet what I worked  so hard to accomplish has left me attached to empty values and thus meaningless outcomes–I value power over others (wanting power over men) and amassing more material wealth. This is off…for example, I realize I deserve to get paid the same as any man for the same executive job, yet can I step back from this egoistic point of view and instead ask, why are executives getting paid so much? Why do we get to keep trudging along in the world with so much wealth and abundance in material comfort be in the hands of so few? As a woman how can I change that? Well, I would guess not by becoming a part of the same ole system.

Beauty, kindness, connection, and LOVE are becoming extinct…hardly existent in the business world and thus also becoming so in society. I feel dense, heavy, unhappy. And though rather tired, I am beginning to understand and accept that now the real work begins. Though I feel devastated at letting these egoistic pursuits go and especially because I have no idea where I am meant to go now, I also realize I have no choice. It is helpful to realize that 4 years ago I may have thought I was pursuing a bigger career path taking me to the top but was actually only leading me to my spiritual death. And now I am journeying into the unknown. This is so uncomfortable and yet I realize this is because I let fear rear up and become my focus rather than my Soul’s truth. This is when I need to seek guidance. And I have to acknowledge myself for the life I have lived–because it has given me the foundation to allow myself these hard realizations as well has helped me cultivate tools to use, when I find myself sliding back into my unconscious self. I stand tall, open my heart, smile big, take a deep breath and listen.

This is my chance to a new understanding of Life and cultivating the courage to begin to practice living more from my Heart than my Ego. Instead of continuing to try to control Life, maybe we need to “let Life live us.” Maybe we need to find a way to ‘partner with Life”, meaning find a way to LISTEN to its promptings rather than constantly trying to manipulate life to fit our plans…even when we are so sure our plans have such meaningful and spiritually-conscious intentions. Our Ego can be so cunning to keep us in its grasp. I am realizing that we need to take time to become quiet and still and as we feel our body relax, listen to our Heart and let the vibration of Creation flow smoothly through us. And then can we sit a bit longer and let this Vibe flow into our consciousness when all we want to do is grab it with our Ego and start taking control again. Can we let ourselves begin to think new things, different things–like about the meaning of God, LOVE, LIFE. Then can we sit back and contemplate various ideas and dreams of things you would like to do, urges that feel good–and not shut them down when they seem ridiculous only because our Ego jumped in. And can we ultimately accept the vulnerability of being human–meaning that we may never know what is the best way to LIVE and LOVE because we are still learning. Yet the one thing we can be sure of that is our best participation in life is to COMMIT TO LOVE…not Drama…COMMIT to being strong enough to surrender our Egoistic self when it rears up and starts taking control and saying it has all the answers. 

You will know the things you are thinking of are for your highest good because of the gentle smile they bring to your face, the openness they bring to your chest. It takes practice to learn to feel your True Body, and your body will never fail you in guiding you to that in Life which makes you feel your greatest peace and contentment.

And so far along this journey a remarkable thing has happened. A woman is about relationship and of course is always looking for the man of her dreams. And in my journey thus far through life I realize the definition of this sort of man and the ideas about how this relationship would look and feel have changed. I also realize that because of my evolution into more of my Divine Feminine vibrations I have realized how much I dysfunctionally needed the approval of men–father, priest, brother, boss, husband etc. What I have learned is that my intention to try to “change the mind of men” was misguided. What man would possibly let his mind be changed by a woman? Rather it is dawning on me that the best approach to changing the world bringing forth the vibration of the Divine Feminine is to find “open-minded, more spiritually conscious men,” men who want to discuss and explore the relationship between the Divine Feminine and the Sacred Masculine.

Who would have ever thought that after a 3 year journey of leaving my home to explore new jobs and revisit my past, my childhood and my young adulthood, to finally come back full circle to California, there HE would be, standing at the end of my drive way. 

let go let god, goodvides god vibes

And you may ask yourself why do we need to go through all this? Because it is how we evolve and that, above all else, is why we are here. There is no getting around this, for anyone.