WE are all addicted to one thing or another–drugs, alcohol, negative self-talk, worry…basically Fear. It is part of the human condition. Managing it, not so much trying to get rid of it (you can’t) is the answer to a happy life…and your body is your quide.
I Didn’t LOVE MY BODY…ESPECIALLY WITH ITS FLAB, WHEN IT GETS SICK, OUT OF SHAPE, injured, TIRED, and older. FOR MOST OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN FRUSTRATED and unhappy WITH MY BODY especially because it would not be what I wanted it to be…never thin enough, firm enough, fit enough, never beautiful or sexy enough. I was bulimic.
who would have thought that this would dramatically change…that I would fall in love with my body. not because I finally got it to look the way I want but because I awoke to the truth that my body is the holy grail of the divine source of My healing and happiness.
bodylove selflove otherlove planetlove
THE POWER AND PRACTICE OF SELF-LOVE: A New kind of self-healing
We all talk about how important it is to love ourselves. WHY? Because when we love ourselves we are happier…happier we are more confident and kind. We pursue our dreams with greater courage. We make healthy choices. And most especially, we share unconditional love and respect with others more genuinely. Our lives and relationships become more fulfilling. Why is it important to love ourself? Because the only other emotion is hate (or a variation thereof). Self-hate (self-loathing and disappointment) is the root of our suffering–the cause of unhealthy relationships and the core of our addictions…and the root of our self-hate is Fear.
When I feel fear, I am not loving…myself, others or the planet. And what I have found is that l can’t love myself if I don’t love my body…
Have you ever wondered why you don’t love your body? You are not alone…most of us don’t. Well, not to be too simplistic nor too feminist about it but…we don’t love our body basically because of two reasons; 1) we think our mind is much more important and that our body is to do what we want it to do; and 2) we think our body needs to be perfect so we are liked…yet it will never be perfect so there is the rub.
The first reason is about the fact that we are a mind-centric society…and as such have relegated the body to serve the mind–in other words we disconnected mind and body. In our evolution, we have over-developed our left-brain thinking…using logical, linear, disciplined and compartmentalized perception, a control-type thinking (masculine) more than our right brain or our spatial, holistic and creative, a free-form-type thinking (feminine). Our body consciousness, its feelings and sensations, relate more to our creative thinking. Since our ego is so dominant in the left-brain perspective, our mind doesn’t hold a lot of value in engaging our body as a partner in our experience of life. And so it only makes sense to try to control our body to serve our ego’s “reality”…and it needs to be mentioned that this dominance over our body relates to our dominating the planet (our body and planet our of the Feminine).
The second reason. We women particularly don’t love our body because in our evolution, the feminine has become the second-class. Aware of the suppression of the more feminine way of thinking in the world, actually the suppression of feelings and sensations, the suppression of our body’s experience, we believe that the feminine is not as important to society as the masculine. Therefore we believe that we need to be perfect and this includes a perfect body (a sexy body) to be wanted by men, to fit in to society, so we can be safe. We are afraid to express our true self for fear of not being loved or respected. This activates our greatest fear, our fear of survival–that we are not wanted and will be alone. Feeling that we don’t matter as much as men, our self-esteem is low and as a result we are confused about our true goals and how to pursue them…we become so distracted by our fear and become desperate to find acceptance and love that this search becomes our life-purpose–it becomes our suffering…it becomes our addiction.
We are addicted to “to find love” rather than allowing ourselves to awaken to the innate Love within. Because we will never find Love this way our suffering becomes great.
Women need to regain our self-esteem and self-love in order to find our path to our true destiny–so we fulfill our soul-mission. Only then will we feel peaceful. To find our path we need to open to our true nature and activate our personal power–we need to connect with our inner knowing and confidence and awaken to what and how we are to contribute to the well-being of all as we are meant to. We need to open to our feminine qualities (open more to our right brain thinking) and use them to guide us to what we truly want–allowing our emotional, heart-felt, passionate, compassionate, creative feminine nature to temper our over-developed, logical, analytical, judgmental masculine nature (a result of living in a man’s world). It is not that our masculine qualities are bad…just unbalanced by the feminine. With our left brain disconnected from our right brain our mind is closed to our heart (society closed to compassion).
As we learn to reconnect with our body and center into ourselves, we will recalibrate our inner feminine and inner masculine vibrations and thus become more aware of our true self and identity. We will become more aware of our magical and mystical, our creative consciousness, and realize that by supporting this with our linear logic we will be able to manifest our destiny–our “right and left perspectives” will be balanced in partnership informing us how to live well. We will become more aware of our true selves rather than continue to be someone others think we should be, rather than allow ourselves to be treated in demeaning and discriminating ways.
Our left brain will say to our right brain: thanks for the colorful and passionate influence to my structure. Our right brain to our left brain: thanks for the structure to my color and passion…my creativity can take form now. Feeling as one consciousness, our left brain and right brain will say to our heart: thanks for awakening us to the meaning of what we do…to our power to manifest goodness in the world.
We need to use our feminine skills to create more open, honest and authentic communication and relationships with men. Men and women are a perfect partner to each other. If we show up with more of our authentic feminine vibration then men will be inspired to reveal more of their balanced masculine nature and we will invoke the best in each other–we will respect each other equally for the uniqueness that we each hold and offer the world–we will complement, rather than compete, with the other. And we will grow to equally respect the essence of “the feminine” and “the masculine” regardless whether expressed by a man or woman which will dissolve stereotypical bias and open up acceptance of the unique contribution of each “individual.” We will become more well-balanced, conscious people.
women need to come forth and activate their divine feminine
And most especially, we need to be in touch with our feminism because we need to use our feminine nature to help manage our addictions–any type of self-healing work takes great compassion, patience, acceptance, loving-kindness, caring, nurturing, and creativity, takes a feminine vibe. Essentially dissolving Fear and all the associated negative emotions, like self-blame and self-ridicule, takes the ability to connect with the Divine…which happens through our creative, spatial thinking. More conscious we feel the Love-vibe flowing in our body–she soothes and reminds us to release our need to control. Feeling nurtured by this energy of Love we begin to connect with our spirit-self and start to hear what we haven’t been able to hear all along: we are loved, no matter what, and all is and will be well.
Q is YOU suggests that to re-awaken to our sovereign feminine vibration is to first fall-in-love with our body.
A WOMAN’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HER BODY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. USE YOUR BODY TO AWAKEN THE PRICELESSNESS OF WHO YOU ARE.
WE ARE ALL ADDICTED–TO SUFFERING
We all want to feel happy, successful and beautiful. Yet most of us don’t and we blame ourselves. We worry incessantly. We become defeated because we can’t figure out why we can’t free ourselves and just want to withdraw. And unfortunately, in trying to control the deep hurt and pain instead of choosing healthy ways we commonly become addicted–to negative self-talk and a negative perspective of life, to overeating and drinking, to using drugs and unhealthy sex, to being lazy and sedentary, to trying to control others to prove our self-importance, to trying to accomplish great success to prove our worth, and so on…this only feeds unhealthy “highs” and sensations of false relief. Our intense self-loathing motivates us to project out and blame others for our hurt…expecting them to change for us and to love us enough so we can finally feel happy (our spouse, our kids, our parents, our siblings, our relatives, our friends, our boss, our employees). Yet this only makes us desperately needy and depletes our personal power. We are giving the world control over our happiness, and unhappiness…becoming the victim. And now we are in a very negative life-cycle…it’s quite a mess actually. Yet there is a way out if we are willing to do some self-exploration.
We need to use this horrible pain to wake us up…it is proof positive that we are disconnected from our true self, from Love.We use this pain to fight our way back to awakening to Divine Truth.
So the initial questions become “why don’t we choose healthy interventions that we know would make us feel better?” And “why when we are willing to try them, do we so often sabotage our effort and relapse? Why do we resist healing and being happy?” The answer?…because we have subconscious trauma that sabotages our conscious choices to try to heal; and because we are disconnected from our body…disconnected from access to our inner wisdom to know what is true and learn what to do.
It seems we resist because we are addicted to self-doubt and self-blame…generated by our addiction to a way of thinking–addicted to the belief that we need to be perfect to be a valuable and lovable person. YET, we need to take a step back and realize something. This belief sets us up for complete and utter failure to be happy…because it is impossible for anyone to be perfect. We are captured and victimized by a false mind-set; and it allows others to control us–which of course can only lead to utter unhappiness and fear. The truth is we are already lovable…even when we are needy and imperfect. The imperfection within us is not meant to make us crazy with self-loathing but give us something to use (yes, to struggle with) that helps fight to grow into wiser, more emotionally, intellectually and spiritually mature people. Yet this is hard to accept and trust? Why? Because our right brain thinking has been shut down…it would help us understand this.
Somewhere along the evolutionary road we began to believe only in our left-brain perceptions, of duality–right/wrong, good/bad, perfect/imperfect, forward/backward, up/down, light/dark, and thus believed this was reality–that unless we were right, good, perfect, forward, up, light, etc. we were not going to be accepted nor loved…we wouldn’t fit into society. And we began to turn this anxiety and fear in on ourselves: believing that imperfections are wrong and weak, our failing. Cut off from our right-brain perception we had nothing to help us explore a different perspective, a different way of considering our relationship with the world and with spirit, nothing to help us consider a new meaning of life–rather than it be a never-ending linear, logical pursuit of goals and achievements, desperately trying to fix imperfections and become perfect could it possibly have any other valuable meaning and have different kinds of experiences that this back and forth? Having not allowed ourselves to consider this we have become incredibly afraid–because deep down we all know we are not always good, right or perfect–god forbid. And deep down we know our journey in life will not always be linear and logical and thus “successful” yet instead of understanding that this is “Life”, we believe there is something terrible wrong with us when it’s not.
Religions “inspired” us to believe we were rejected by the Divine for being “wrong/imperfect” and thus sinful–He, Adam, never should have listened to Her, to EVE, and eaten that apple from that Tree of Duality (Good and Evil)–and therefore that we need to spend our lives repenting and regaining favor with the gods. With such a left-brain mentality, we believe only in religious and political morality rather than spirituality. Without a spiritual awareness, we let “religions” play with our fear and convince us our bodies are unholy…yet without a connection with our body there is no way for us to hear our body-mind-spirit consciousness, no way to here our Divine Truth…and our egos get to run amuck with self-judgment and ridicule…and others gain more control over us.
Spirituality helps us look at our lives from a vibrational perspective–allowing times of imperfection to be experienced as a low-vibe event rather than a moral incompetence…this gives us greater opportunity to raise our vibe and create joy and love rather than stay stuck in guilt and believing we need to punish ourselves…over and over again. Because of this disconnect from our consciousness of the spiritual, we see only the material world and its current doctoring and thus our belief is that we need to suffer rather than deserve to be happy…and so we live our lives based upon fear, hurt and anger…solely upon the command of our ego.
In our past, we had nothing that could help us consider the truth that ‘the valuable life’ is not about being perfect, about reaching the goal, it actually is not even so much about the journey of reaching the goal as it is about simply “the experience of life itself in this moment”–how the vibes of this moment of life help us become aware of who we truly are…a spiritual being traveling the earthly plane. Awake to both left and right brain awareness we become conscious of our low vibe, of our Fear-vibe, and connected to our heart and body can “raise our vibe” and activate Love…and life begins to feel better, more loving, more abundant, more connected–as it is truly meant to feel.
HEALING OUR DISCONNECT–AWAKENING OUR RIGHT BRAIN
Realizing and accepting the disconnect between our right and left brains and between our ego and our heart and between our human and spiritual selves, this then helps empower us to realize we can make a different choice. Many of us now are on a very important quest in life–to regain faith and allow ourselves to receive the goodness and love of the Universe. Many of us are trying to reintegrate all that we are–body/mind/spirit. So lets go into this with our eyes wide-open. As we embark, it is important to realize that our journey back to the Divine is huge–not to be overwhelmed with a sense of defeat but rather to take a deep breath and shore up our courage. We need to realize that the strength of our ego “to vibe Fear” must be matched by the power of our conviction “to vibe Love.”. To do this we need to be able to recognize when our ego is trying to entrap and victimize us–our ego gains power by convincing us again and again and again into believing that we have been rejected because we are imperfect and thus we should feel guilty and desperately struggle to improve…that we should be afraid and work diligently every moment of our lives to show repentance. Allowing these false thoughts to multiply and expand we only continue to lower our vibe and spiral further down into unhappiness and despair–most definitely the victim. Though this feels physically and emotionally horrible it is what we see as the true path. YET this horrible feeling is a blessing, a clue we are ungrounded and disconnected from our true self, from Love. This feeling tells us that we just got “triggered into fear”, yet if we take a deep breath and stand tall, this gives us a chance to shift–to open up the channels of Love and “raise our vibe.” We are immediately woken from this awful false dream and know this is not Divine Truth. In this moment we see a glimpse of freedom and have a choice to start journeying toward it rather than stay stuck in misery.
We need to understand that our suffering is all a false mindset…and that we can awaken to our true mindset. It’s up to us. And there are tools that work. DO WE want to do this?
For the sake of our souls, and of the planet, we need to awaken and begin to reverse this negative consciousness…we need to realize that much of what we think and believe is not true, that much of the struggles in our lives are false things we are telling ourselves, and as a result of the way we allow ourselves to be surrounded by negativity. We need to realize that the more we focus on negativity the more we experience and focus on negativity. In other words, negativity becomes the reality of our lives and it is all in our mind. The more we tell ourselves we should be afraid, we are afraid…and when we are afraid we are not loving–fear and love cannot happen at the same time.
Do we want to vibe fear or love? This is the most important question we can answer.
So what do we do?
Engage the body and begin to activate our “right-brain, our right mind” more–we need to be creative, paint, write, draw, dance, smile, meditate, breathe fully….anything that moves passionate vibes through us into our consciousness. We need to realize the incredible hold our ego has on our psyche and that there is no way to change our mind-set by simply just trying to change our mind-set…get it? Our minds, our egos, are too addicted to the power they have had and thus it is almost impossible to shift our mind by merely just trying to shift how we think–like trying to reprogram our thoughts and feelings through talking about them over and over and rationalizing them or by repeating affirmations for example. It is only thinking new thoughts that change how we think and gain a new perspective of our selves and of life. Yet new thoughts don’t come from the mind, they came from our body-consciousness–for our body is connected with the Cosmos, the realm of creativity–new thoughts come from how we feel and sensate. We also need to understand that because of our body/mind connection, our negative thinking has become part of our organic nature, part of our DNA, part of our physical sensations…it has become part of our vibration, part of our identity. We are mentally and physically addicted to negativity…and thus it may prove more effective to work with our body than with our mind in helping us to shift our perspective into “new world thinking” and thus manage our negative or addictive behavior. The prescription: do anything that helps your body release pain as well as what helps it feel naturally good and healthy.
We are addicted to suffering because we don’t love ourselves.And we don’t love ourselves because we have lost connection with the Divine and are steeped in negativity…our body is the gateway To happiness, the gateway back home.
LOOKING FOR LOVE–Managing Our Addictions
It is important to understand that we use addictions to mask the terrible pain of not feeling loved. This may be hard to admit yet being aware of this helps us work with the root of the problem. When we can’t find love or feel it, we try to numb our intense hurt. Our addictive behavior comes from this back and forth cycle of negative feelings generating negative thoughts generating negative behavior–depressing our body’s vibe, our mood and self-esteem and reinforcing our self-loathing. This points to the fact that addiction is not just mental, it actually is more emotional and physical and knowing this helps us choose a powerful path to recovery. Meaning we can’t just talk and rationalize ourself out of our addiction. We need to feel our way out. We also need to realize that we can’t get rid or our addictions completely–they are part of the human condition, our tests of faith. We will always have addictions, all of us, and so we need to accept that and realize that the path to a happier life is to manage our addictions instead. ‘Managing’ meaning we need to learn to shift those moments when we “get triggered” before we spiral out of control. And for that, we need to use our body and spirit more so than our mind.
Often in seeking relief from our addiction, we take a mental-spiritual approach. Because we are a more masculine world culture we are “mind-centric” and tend to try to solve problems by thinking of solutions, trying to figure things out. We dismiss feelings and unfortunately become unconscious to how powerful they are, particularly when suppressed. Instead of feeling our feelings we try to talk-out and mentally dissect our problems and analyze our emotions with therapists and in 12-step programs. Spiritually, we pray to a higher power and create affirmations to help us become humble enough to ask for help to behave and think more positively. These conversations are very helpful– bringing to light that we are hurt and have an addiction and need help is the first and most critical step in the healing process. And through these conversations we also become more intelligent about our responsibility and accountability–we begin to realize that no one could have or ever will love us the way that we want and need to be loved. Only we are the one responsible for our life…the only creator or destroyer of our life experience–of how our life feels: happy or sad. YET, that may be as far as the this therapy can take us–simply an intellectual understanding. Something is not quite working and many of us are willing to admit that all this mental understanding and spiritual humility doesn’t really help us feel differently–we still feel hurt and find it so difficult to love our self and stop our negative thinking and behavior.
Therefore it might be worth considering this. This mental-spiritual approach primarily asks us to surrender our arrogant ego over to a “higher power” and this is certainly necessary–because our ego is the disciplinarian of social norm and is what constantly reminds us of our weaknesses and imperfections. Yet our ego is incredibly strong (supported by world views and values) and trying to tame it may not actually be possible. It may be that trying to become humble our ego forces the misunderstanding that this means to give up our power to some external “higher being”…and thus we end up waiting for forgiveness and for things to improve–trying to be perfect at humility so that love will be bestowed. This probably actually fuels our ego and we end up diluting our ability to access our own authentic personal power to help ourselves access our own inner divinity–so instead of partnering our power with divine power we may have just victimized ourselves again. We have not really transformed our outlook and so continue with our same addictive behaviors.
This psychotherapy alone does not seem to work too well in the long run–the rates of addiction and relapse continue to escalate.The mental-spiritual approach alone appears to be rather unsuccessful because underneath everything is an emotion, a deep-seeded hurt, that cannot be rationalized or just forced to go away. And what is vital to understand is that pretty much all of us are unconscious of the depth of this hurt. It comes from our inner child who is still on a desperate search for a chance to fix whatever was wrong between her and mom and dad–still trying to get the love she felt she didn’t get. And ignoring how she feels, she continues to unconsciously influence us to choose situations and relationships in life that will recreate the same dynamics she faced as a child so she gets another opportunity to “fix it”–irrationally we just don’t want to admit defeat, to really accept that mom and dad didn’t love us…what could be more hurtful than that…and if we allowed ourselves to really feel this would we be able to survive? The answer? Yes we can survive…and we must, we must go through this so we can come out the other side with greater consciousness. In the end it is not about our parent’s love any longer, it is about our love for our self. And that we can fix.
PAIN IS AN ENERGY
It helps to understand our pain is an energy, a vibration and when absorbed in the body it is dense and causes pain…most especially when ignored. There is science that backs this up. We have talked about our body as the holy grail of our true self and research and chinese medicine have revealed that our body is the vessel of our emotional and spiritual processes. Our body absorbs and stores energy and thus it stores our trauma–what goes on in the mind goes on in the body. Therefore our body needs to heal as well and perhaps moreso than our mind. Unattended, the pain in our body and our subconscious hurt child will support each other in keeping our negative patterns alive–negative vibes, negative emotion, negative thoughts, negative behaviors, negative vibes.
Allowing ourselves to feel our pain, we are paying attention and that in itself is self-love. We all feel better when we get attention and particularly when the attention comes with the intention to help, to soothe, to forgive, to love. These good-feeling vibes help shift and dissolve the hurt vibration–perhaps not right away but eventually if we continue to direct loving-kindness toward our self. It hurts like hell and yet we survive and that is the way major progress is made toward happiness. We breathe and cry (maybe even a ton) and hold the pain in the salve of our compassionate heart. We begin to feel a sensation of relief, then one of strength. We feel a bit stronger in our body and begin to feel more confident. We begin to feel more emotionally calm and less helpless. We begin to feel a bit more objective about our self and about our life. These are the signs, the proof positive, that we are awakening and strengthening our faith, which is the same as saying we are “raising our Love-vibe” and that is our soul-mission in life. Feeling this we begin to feel calm, content and eventually happy. And as a precious gift wrapped within this experience we begin to gain perspective…feeling a bit more neutral and objective about our past. And in our “neutrality” we begin to realize that mom and dad loved us the best they could. The way they loved may not have felt the greatest and none of us feel we got enough. However, in just admitting and feeling that, we become more compassionate and empathetic. We see our parents for who they are and understand that they were wounded children too. It was all they knew how to do at the time… and therefore so much of it had nothing to do with how perfect or imperfect we were as children–we can stop the self-blame game.
With cultivating sensational awareness, we not only feel the hurt beginning to dissolve but we also begin to feel the positive vibes of our sacred inner wisdom in our body rising up to heal and to love–now that our body is beginning to be freed from the bubbles of our hurt. And as a result, this begins to positively influence our emotions and thus how we think about our pain and our stories and we begin to feel more relaxed. As our body releases, positive vibes rise that begin to influence positive thoughts–we become more rational again because we are not unconsciously influenced by some hidden, dark, horrible unknown. We begin to hold our past in a different light, a more objective and neutral opinion–we reconsider our experiences as things we learned from rather than failed at. We realize and accept we felt hurt. We allow it and appreciate it. Yet with this new perspective we don’t feel so much at the affect or victim of it but rather more empowered to open to what it teaches us about life and go forward. We begin to feel ready to forgive ourselves, forgive our parents, and forgive the universe…and to create a new journey in this lifetime…and it’s all in our body.
Considering this, we begin to see that our recovery and transformation from self-hate to self-love cannot just be about using the power of our conscious mind to “convince us to heal, to convince us to love our body, to love our self”…our transformation also needs to engage the power of our body so we learn how to feel the vibrations of subconscious hurt as well as the vibrations of subconscious love and learn how to allow ourselves to feel them equally as part of our human experience. Then to learn how to expand and use the vibe of Love to open up our dynamic and creative and colorful thinking (our right brain perceptions). We need to realize that the hurt it not completely gone. We will feel the deep hurt over and over again in our lives as it gets triggered by similar situations as in our childhood…yet we are learning how to manage this moment and to quickly shift our body’s vibe into Love and thus shift into consciousness of our inner wisdom and thus feel less negative and respond in more loving ways. We will be triggered again, we can count on it. Yet instead of reacting to it as some failing and weakness we will be able to be grateful for it and use it as a chance to create something different…and thus a chance at living happier lives.
Q is YOU wants to support you to use your body to shape who you are…to give you tools to help interrupt your addictive behavior and to release your victim-vibes so you awaken to the innate love-vibe of your soul.
the bodylove recovery process Summary
Everyone has addictions–it has become part of our human nature. Understanding “addiction” helps us manage it. In very simple terms, addiction is a pattern of unhealthy behavior that comes from low self-esteem–it is a negative feedback loop–belief/behavior. It is easy to define and yet a bear to manage–yet it can be. The good news is we can interrupt the negative addictive-behavior loops we get ourselves into if we learn some tools that help us stop or interrupt our automatic response (behavior) to something. This interruption, this moment, is the key. It gives us a chance to press pause and stop the craziness in our mind and emotions. It is the chance to choose a positive response instead. The interrupt must be fast and effective at helping our body feel good. Then once we are in the moment of pause we first can allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, the hurt and anger, as this is our truth. Then we use our tool aging to help us move this energy through us so it doesn’t get stuck and so we begin to feel some release of the negative sensations. Beginning to feel calmer we keeping using the tools to expand this sensation and soon begin to realize that we are starting to feel more confident and compassionate. Now we have regained control and perspective and can choose our next step, our next moment wisely. The most important thing we need to do of all is to commit…we need to commit to using these tools always so it becomes a habit. And as a result, these moments of breakdown become breakthroughs and will eventually add up to a more gratifying life. This quite simply is the path to self-love. It happens no other way.